Old and white used car salesmen giving away free stuff at Thursday Night Live typically isn’t a rare occurrence. However, last night was a special occasion, as local car dealer Rod Hatfield could be seen navigating the crowd to distribute his mixtape.

The mixtape, which features twelve tracks of incredibly bad vocals and lyrics over top of hit songs that haven’t been popular since before Donald Trump was a legitimate Presidential candidate, is only available in cassette, because every car Rod Hatfield sells still has a tape deck.

“The mixtape got delayed a couple of times while we waited on Robin Thicke to come out with a new hit single, but once that never happened, we figured it was best to just release what we had,” said the mixtape’s producer, the janitor at Z-Rock who happened to answer the phone while the guy who approves commercials was using the bathroom.

Below is the music video for Track 4, “Make Em Say (Good)”

Street art isn’t new to the city of Lexington, but there is a new artist on the scene.  The artist calls himself Fifth Third Banksy, and he’s been gaining notoriety all over town by tagging local financial institutions with his graffiti. Fifth Third Banksy’s latest canvas is Lexington’s tallest building, 5/3 Bank’s Big Blue Building.

Speaking anonymously from Joel Pett’s living room, Fifth Third Banksy, who totally isn’t Joel Pett, gave us the inside scoop on why he’s ventured into the exciting world of street art.

“What I love about graffiti art is it lets you do cartoons on buildings instead of stupid old newspapers. I used to love tagging newspapers, but then the one in Lexington moved to Louisville, so I turned to financial institutions instead.”

The Big Blue Building is just the latest in a long line of respected financial institutions to fall victim to Fifth Third Banksy’s sick skills. Others include U.S. Bank on Richmond Rd, Bank Of The Bluegrass on Southland Dr, and Cash Tyme on Versailles Rd.

While some people around town see the street art as nothing more than an unlawful act of vandalism, others admire Fifth Third Banksy for the profound statements he’s making with his art. Melvin Mathers, a teller at Forcht Bank, was nearly moved to tears when he saw what Fifth Third Banksy created on the Forcht Bank sign.

“He replaced our logo with a picture of a spoon and then over the top of ‘Forcht’ he wrote ‘Spoon’ so it said Spoon Bank. I felt like that was an extremely moving and powerful statement.”

You can view some of Fifth Third Banksy’s art below:

Late last night an injured man was passed by two separate ambulances before finally being picked up by an ambulance dispatched from Good Samaritan hospital. The man laid there, shouting at the ambulances to stop but they continued on. One witness, James King, described the events in unusual detail using lots of words that ended with ‘th,’ we didn’t really know what he was talking about so we asked someone else. The other witness, a new international student, provided a much more brief and easy to understand summary.

“It was kind of crazy, the first ambulance came cruising by and the guy shouted for help but I don’t think they heard him because the guy driving was blasting some Judas Priest. Then that second one came by that one didn’t stop but maybe that’s for the best, the guy driving wasn’t even wearing scrubs, he had on a Levi’s jean jacket for heaven’s sake,” international student Luke Tin said. “Then the Good Samaritan ambulance came by and picked him up, guy had been laying there for like an hour so he was pretty much able to just get in the ambulance himself by the time they got there. That Good Samaritan ambulance wasn’t your typical ambulance… ambulance wasn’t even written backwards on the front.”

Authorities have not released the name of the injured man. Good Samaritan Hospital seemed woefully unprepared to deal with a non-leprosy related case. An orderly named Chris kept throwing Mountain Dew on the patient while shouting “The power of Chris compels you!” After his treatment options were presented the man asked for a second opinion and a doctor from the virgin maternity ward was called in.After spending the night at Good Samaritan it was announced that he is now in critical condition, I mean, he’s recovering nicely, but he is being very critical of the whole staff.

Legendary LEX18 weatherman Bill Meck got the best of WKYT rival Chris Bailey this past weekend at the Annual Meck Yard Sale. While Bailey thought he was upgrading his weather tracking equipment, turns out he was just getting burned by Meck who sold him an old, rusty Doppler that hadn’t work since The Great Ice Storm of ’03.

Meck, who kept the weekend’s weather perfect in order to have the best possible yard sale conditions, had a few items that caught Bailey’s eye. “Yeah, he showed me this snow making machine that was awesome, too,” recalled Bailey. “However, my wife said it was just a Snoopy snow cone machine but she’s not part of the biz so, gotta take that with a grain of salt.” Meck also showed Bailey a customized weather vane that had the rooster in an old Jim McMahon jersey. “Yeah, Bill showed it to me and then said ‘you probably think this weather vane is about you’ and laughed uncontrollably. I didn’t get it.”

Bailey decided against the snow making machine and weather vane but did purchase, what he thought to be, a Doppler Radar that would take his game to the next level. “Seeing as that our station is still using Windows 98, my requests for upgrades are never approved. So, I saw Bill’s Doppler for sale and I jumped all over it. ‘Chicks dig the Doppler’ is what he told me. I guess I should’ve turned it on first.” Bailey also noted that it might be time to jump over to the Facebook yard sale groups that Micah Harris keeps raving about despite his strong belief in putting his feet to the pavement when it comes to yard sales.

Anyone who knows Bill Meck is aware this isn’t the first time he’s pulled such a stunt. Before retiring in 2012, former WKYT weatherman T.G. Shuck was on the receiving end of a Meck swindle. He bought from Meck what he thought was a state of the art, mini-Doppler, turned out to be nothing more than an old rectal thermometer. Upon learning what had happened to Bailey,  Shuck simply said, “Classic Meck.”

Plans for the city of Lexington to purchase the Central Library on East Main Street and convert it into another building no one cares about were released Tuesday. In a joint statement, city official Sally Hamilton and director of the Lexington Public Library, Ann Hammond, announced the city wants to buy the five story building and flip it into a new City Hall & Oates venue. However, against former vice mayor Jim Gray’s better wishes, Hamilton says it would most likely just be converted into a new City Hall.

While many were surprised by the announcement, the staff at Central Library were not. “When you see the mountain of late fees the city of Lexington as accrued over the years, you realize it actually makes good financial sense,” according to staff member Dewey Driscall. “Their late fees on “Creating Gridlock For Dummies” alone will probably cause them to break even on the deal.”

Head librarian Ann Hammond acknowledged Tuesday that library services have changed since they moved to its current location back in 1989 when people actually read books. She added, “Outside of being a killer Poke Stop, the Main Street library does not meet the current service needs for the community such as renting DVDs and checking email when their laptop or wifi aren’t working at home.”

Hammond also assured citizens Central Library would not permanently close but simply just relocate. Initial plans had the building location moving to the west side of town in order to open a Library of Alexandria Drive but blueprints were lost back in February in a small, stockyard fire.

Early designs for the new City Hall are underway to determine the best functionality of the building for the city. Sources say the initial proposal has the Centre Point Project Committee moving to where the Fiction section originally was, the Retirement & Social Security Committee would take over where the Young Adult Fiction was located and former vice mayor Jim Gray’s office would be constructed where his autobiography, 50 Shades of Gray, was displayed.

Jim Gray also added, “while there are no plans to tear down or even completely gut the current structure, I do intend to ride that pendulum thing every day like I’m in a Miley Cyrus “Wrecking Ball” video, baby.”

There’s positive news to report out of Lawrenceburg this week, as Wild Turkey announced Monday that actor Matthew McConaughey, star of Dallas Buyers Club and unfortunately The Wedding Planner, will become the company’s new creative director.

“The thing I like about Wild Turkey,” said McConaughey, “is that I get older, but it stays the same age. Right now it’s an alright bourbon. But hopefully as creative director I can make it an alright, alright, alright bourbon.”

“Matthew actually approached us about the position,” said a spokesman from Wild Turkey. “He just showed up at the distillery one day and asked us if we had plans for a new ad campaign. When we said no, he responded ‘it’d be a lot cooler if you did’ and took a drag from a marijuana cigarette.”

As creative director, McConaughey will direct and star in a series of advertisements for Wild Turkey. The ad campaign is expected to center around themes from some of McConaughey’s movies. For example, the first ad will feature a spin on McConaughey’s famous line from Dazed And Confused:

“Even when the bourbon doesn’t taste very good, you just gotta keep drinkin’, man. D-R-I-N-K-I-N.”

The advertisements will also use McConaughey’s films to encapsulate the spirit of what it means to drink Wild Turkey. Drinking the bourbon helps people find out how to lose their kids in 10 days, and consuming it on a consistent basis typically results in a failure to launch successful lives for themselves.

To prepare for the new job, McConaughey enlisted the help of former UK basketball player Enes Kanter.

“If there’s anybody who knows a little something about how wild Turkey is right now,” said McConaughey, “it’s Enes Kanter.”