It’s a big weekend for residents of Shelby County, as this Sunday they’ll gather along Interstate 64 to compete in the fifth annual Peytona 500. The race will consist of 500 laps around both sides of the interstate at exit 43.

It’s never too early to start preparing for the race, which is why many competitors have already begun making modifications to their cars, including early favorite Jimmy Dale Gordon Junior, who’s already added a restrictor plate to his 1983 El Camino.

Gordon Junior, a two-time winner of the event, takes the race very seriously.

“This is the Super Bowl of racing for cars that can also pull a boat,” he told us. “Some people might just see it as an unnecessary spectacle that’s needlessly dangerous, and those people are absolutely correct, but that don’t mean I’m not gonna give it all I got.”

The Peytona 500 has not been without controversy over the years. The first annual race saw an unfortunate collision with the mythical Waddy Werewolf, resulting in several caution laps. To avoid history repeating itself, the race has since removed the Ditto Road portion of the track.

The race is also known for some of its unexpected finishes over the years. Three years ago the race was won by a Lexington man who just happened to be traveling to Louisville at the time.

“Yeah I was on my way to Louisville when I saw the Waddy-Peytona exit. I had never stopped at that exit before, even though every time I pass I say ‘Waddy-Peytona’ out loud to myself and start laughing. This time I decided I would check out the exit, but when I pulled off there were El Caminos and Ford Probes driving recklessly everywhere, so I immediately turned right back around and just headed back toward Lexington. A sheriff pulled me over about a half mile up the road to tell me I had just won the Peytona 500. The prize package included a lifetime supply of showers at the Flying J, so that’s been nice.”

Hoping no one would notice his unmarked helicopter, an undercover Officer Don reportedly posed as a teenager at a Lexington traffic school this week. The covert operation was apparently part of a WKYT investigation on traffic school, but why Officer Don felt the need to dress up as a teenager is still unclear.

“He kept asking weird questions, like the best place in Lexington to run a stop sign,” said traffic school student Mark Rogers. “I’m pretty much a traffic school veteran, this is my sixth time taking the class, so I knew something was up. Also, he was clearly an adult man who for some reason dressed and acted like a teenager.”

That wasn’t the end of Officer Don’s weird behavior.

“He told me he could knock three points off my record if I became a confidential informant for him,” another student told us. “But I ain’t no snitch. Also I just generally didn’t trust him, because it was very obvious he was just an older dude dressed up like a teenager.”

We attempted to ask Officer Don why he was undercover at traffic school, and why he decided to dress as a teenager, but he insisted he was just a 16 year old adolescent named Brandon.

“Not sure who this Officer Don guy is,” he told us. “I’m just a normal kid named Brandon who made a couple of driving mistakes and ended up in this traffic school. Being a normal teen is tough sometimes. By the way, hit me up on Instagram and follow me on twitter, @lexteenbrandon,” he added.

If you’re headed to northern Kentucky this weekend to visit the Ark Encounter prepare to be disappointed, and not just for the normal reasons. Owner Ken Ham announced he is taking the Ark down from it’s dry dock, hitching it to the back of his F-150 and “haulin ‘er down to Lake Cumberland for a nice relaxing weekend of abnormally warm weather which was in no way caused by humans.”

“A lot of people have told me I’m crazy to take this thing out on the water,” Ham said. “But, in my opinion, you don’t spend 62 million tax free dollars on a nice boat like this and not take it out on the water somtimes. You can’t leave this in the garage, this lady needs to stretch her sea legs.”

Ham said he’s taken the boat out before and the results have been terrific. “I took her out about a year ago and, I wasn’t even trying to fish or anything but stripers just kept jumping into the boat two by two!”

Ham said he expects this weekend to be full of fun in the sun. “We’ve got all kinds of awesome stuff planned. I’m gonna tie a rope to the back of her and we’re gonna do some tubing on an exact replica of the basket baby Moses used to shred waves on the Nile when he was young.”

Local houseboat hero Dan Glass of Courtesy on Wheels could only admire the lake-sized vessel, “man, that thing is SWEET!”

Once thought to be bitter rivals in the nighttime comfort game, Sleep Outfitters and Mattress Firm teamed up this week to build the world’s largest pillow fort across Nicholasville Road.

Ironically situated directly across from each other on the seven lane highway, like the plot of a terrible 80’s movie, the two mattress moguls set aside their differences and thread counts in order to complete the pedestrian sleepover bridge.

“I’m always encouraged when two competing businesses can work together,” said former vice mayor Jim Gray after navigating the box spring barracks. “The fact that this will increase traffic congestion on Nicholasville Road is just icing on the cake.”

While the structure may upset the thousands of drivers who travel Nicholasville Road and the tens of customers who eat at that KFC, it’s likely here to stay. Our legal experts tell us the sheer amount of “Do Not Remove Under Penalty Of Law” tags present on the mattresses make the legality of the fortress pretty ironclad.