Whether you would describe last night’s events as the stuff of legend, a fantastical journey into downtown imaginationton, or simply an odd choice for advertising legal council, Darryl Isaacs has cemented his legacy as the greatest of all time.

Isaacs’ Super Bowl commercial lit up the homes across central Kentucky, as the attorney played the part of hero to those of us that have been injured in a car wreck, which was easily understood, as the lawyer appeared on screen dressed as the titular character in “Indiana Jones And The Temple of Courtrooms”.

Early on Sunday evening, Isaacs had his doubters, as the attorney’s first commercial of the evening came out a little flat,  with a deflated mission impossible ad.  However just when everyone had written the commercials off dead, Darryl Isaacs came back, wielding a hard hitting advertisement.

After the performance, Americans finally found something they could all agree on, and that is that without a doubt, Isaacs is the greatest of all time, even hard to please attorney critic Aaron Hernandez agrees, “I never truly knew what attorney-client privilege meant until I saw that commercial, but now I know. It would be a privilege to be Darryl’s client.”

Isaacs, pleased with how the commercial turned out, has offered up extended versions of the commercial to be available for viewing online. “Just watch my commercial and I know you’ll love it, at the very least I think we can all agree that no one named Darryl has ever been this handsome, or effective, in the setting of a zombie apocalypse.”

To learn more about Darryl Isaacs and his team, visit https://www.isaacsandisaacs.com/attorneys​.

For what is going on several hours now the Library of Congress has concentrated its efforts to collect and preserve the records and memories of the tragedy known as The Bowling Green Massacre. However, they’ve been unable to contact anyone reliable with with any sort of recollection of the events.

One Bowling Green resident spoke with us about that tragic day, that must have occurred somewhere between 2010-2013, “I remember, I was at the supermarket when I heard. Or maybe I was at home watching the news. Hmmmm. I remember they said the terrorists were from Syria and I got concerned because I’d heard of Syria, or maybe it was Iran.”

While some are still mourning, others wonder what the true motivations behind the Massacre could have been. Known Instagram documentarian, Mike Less, explains, “Maybe you all took the blue pill? Or the men in black came in and used that memory pen on you? This is exactly like when Sinbad never made that genie movie. Either way, I remember it like it was yesterday, I heard it on the radio while I was reading the BerenSTEIN bears to my kids.”

Figuring that it’s never too soon to celebrate holidays with those you love, single man Jake Hudson, 28, of Lexington, treated himself to an early Valentine’s Day present this week, purchasing three bottles of Four Roses bourbon at the Beaumont Liquor Barn.

“If you do the math, that’s like a dozen roses,” said the cold, despondent bachelor.

The romantic holiday is still two weeks away, but Jake knows a great buy when sees one, and he know he’s going to spend this holiday with a beautiful women, so he’s preparing for this, he even been reading rabbit vibrator reviews to get toys for this moment as well.

“I figured I should go ahead and stock up now instead of waiting until the last minute. I’ve always heard they raise the price of roses to an insane amount the week of Valentine’s Day, and while I’ve never experienced that first-hand, I assume it’s the same with Four Roses bourbon,” explained the pitiful loner as he cooked a frozen pizza and threw some dirty laundry on top of a pile accumulating on the floor of his apartment. “Damn it, I forgot to get a card.”

“Good God that’s Lee Cruse’s music,” said a shocked Steve Butera in-between bites of jalapeno poppers at Bill Meck’s annual WWE Royal Rumble watch party.

Cruse, fresh off a new leather jacket purchase to signify a heel turn, apparently crashed the event and was promptly eliminated from the party by Meck, who threw Cruse over the top of his outdoor patio.

“The Royal Rumble itself may be known for its surprise appearances,” said Meck, “but my watch party is not, and Lee was not invited. This new leather jacket gimmick Lee has been running with has no place at my party. Despite our feud, T.G. Shuck and I were able to team up and throw Lee out of the party.”

While “The Nature Boy” Bill Meck made relatively quick work of Cruse once he was inside the party, Lee was able to cut a quick promo before entering.

“To be the man hosting this party, brother, you gotta beat the man,” Cruse said, “and I’m sorry Bill, but this time, I don’t plan on coming up short.”

What began as a ‘fun-filled’ $186.00 ($196.00 after parking) trip to Williamstown’s Ark Encounter ended in tragedy for Kevin Gregory and his family of five. Gregory, a self-proclaimed religious skeptic, was forced to walk the plank after the teenager whose job it is to sell t-shirts and other memorabilia at the ark’s ‘non-profit’ gift shop alerted her overlord Ken Ham that there might be an atheist on board.

“I noticed that Mr. Gregory was exhibiting behavior that isn’t typical of most of the mindless parasites that usually frequent our snake-oil attraction,” said 16 year old Tiffany. “He was using science and logic, and asking the tour guide tough questions he wasn’t prepared for, like ‘where did they keep the mosquitoes and dinosaurs, or the Asians and black people?’ He also suggested that maybe the flood story was just an allegory, and that’s when Mr. Ham decided that it was time for all hands on deck.”

What took place next was almost a work of fiction, like something out of a Hollywood blockbuster, or the Bible. Kevin Gregory was blindfolded and hoisted upon the ark’s plank, an old public swimming pool diving board that was re-purposed after being donated by the city of Williamstown. He was then told to start walking.

While a majority of the patrons aboard the ark were regretting that they paid $40.00, the rest of the passengers gathered round as Kevin Gregory plummeted several feet to a certain death. However, it turns out Mr. Gregory only fell into the mouth of Ken Ham’s next project, a life-sized recreation of Jonah And The Whale.

Persistence usually pays off, but in the case of CentrePointe, persistence has been futile. Regardless, that hasn’t stopped developers from unfurling a massive ‘Persist’ banner from one of the stagnant cranes that’s become a staple of Lexington’s skyline.

After nearly nine years of no progress, developers insist that they’ve finally begun real work on the project and they aren’t just driving trucks around. A massive parking garage is expected to be completed in May, and the structure should be available for public use a very quick year later. (No, seriously. It’s going to take an entire year before people can actually park at CentrePointe.)

The banner serves as a response to all the citizens of Lexington who just wish the project would finish already.

“Haters are my motivators,” said Dudley Webb.

Infiniti of Lexington confounded at least one potential customer when a salesperson told Tom Holcomb that “I’m not sure I can get you that price, we only have a few of those left of the lot.” The perplexed Holcomb sat in the sales office, trying to wrap his mind around the concept of a finite number of Infinities and eventually asked that a manager please step in for assistance.

“I mean how can he only have a few left?” Holcomb asked. “The manager came in and said they had a few others in stock but they were only in gray, not black. But how can anything at Inifiniti ever be out of stock, better yet, how can you even take inventory of Inifinities? When I started asking the manager these questions he went from having an answer to being sucked right down into this, ironically, endless and boundary free thought experiment.”

Eventually, the dealership’s resident mathematician and landscaper Mo Degrasse Tyson stepped in. “The landscaper came in, he was wearing a vest for some reason, and he explained that many of these Infiniti Q80’s I was trying to buy aren’t cars that can be measured and produced, but they’re merely concept cars for us to think about.”

“The salesman said ‘An almost infinitesimally small particle, a subatomic spec transformed into the big bang. Which, conversely, redefined infinity into boundless space. And if you think of the universe in this way, then you understand what a marvel it is, that in this moment on this day, we’re getting you into this car at this price. Mathematically speaking, it’s nothing short of a miracle.’ Well, I knew right then, I didn’t have time to ask my wife first, I just signed the dotted line.”

A spokesperson for Inifniti of Lexington, Rene Descarsales, said “we try to make it simple at Infiniti of Lexington, but you try explaining the theory of a boundless string of multiverses to someone who refers to Lexington as ‘the big city.'”