Lexington Comic Con has come and gone but not all of its attendees have left. Lou Diamond Phillips can still be seen milling around Rupp Arena. “When it comes to my fans I always Stand and Deliver,” he smirked. “You know, Stand and Deliver? The movie I was in.” With the sudden snowfall, we assumed his flight had been canceled. We asked but he wasn’t specific about whether his actually was. “Oh yeah. I’d heard they had canceled some flights.” was all he replied.

We’d also assumed he was staying at the Hyatt connected to the convention center.

“Naw.” shrugged the former star of Star Gate Universe. “They got me down at the Catalina Motel. They serve a mean breakfast.” Phillips said and took a sip from his Hardee’s coffee cup.

Some of the stores in the convention center seemed pleased to have Phillips hang around.
Michael Dupree owner of Old Kentucky Chocolates was enthusiastic about making a deal with the Tony Award-nominated actor. “I think Lou is the perfect celebrity spokesman for our brand of regional candies. He’s even written us a song. How can we go wrong? I mean the guy played Ritchie Valens.” Lou Diamond Phillips was already singing the song outside the store. He had obviously just changed the lyrics to La Bamba. “La La La La-la-la Bon Bon’s, Bourbon Bon Bons and Cream-filled Bon Bons.”

The star of Young Guns and Young Guns 2 doesn’t seem to be planning on leaving anytime soon.

“I don’t know. I’m really starting to like it here. I’ve read Kentucky is famous for coal. Why can’t it also be famous for…” here he paused and pointed to himself. “Diamond. Diamond keeps the lights on.”

This weekend nerds will be traveling from as far as Masterson Station all the way downtown to Lexington’s star-studded Comic & Toy Convention for their chance to figure out what comic books several pro wrestlers and Shannon Elizabeth were in. Lexington’s convention center is prepared to be filled with autograph seekers, cosplayers, and confused parents for the next 3 days. One local cosplayer is hoping to make a big impression with vendors and attendees alike.

Jim Gray announced yesterday that he’ll be in attendance all weekend, and plans on dressing up as something he’s always wanted to be ever since he realized he couldn’t be a senator. Gray explained he’ll be in character as The 6th District Congressman. “Steve Kay really wanted us to dress as X-Men and do this whole Vice Mayors of Future Past thing, but I’d much rather be a person that constantly runs for re-election.”

Gray said his costume was standard “closet cosplay” because his closet is filled with pieces that allow him to dress like Jimmy Stewart in Mr. Smith Goes to Washington on a daily basis, anyway.

Outfit aside, Gray has been looking forward to Lexington’s Comic-Con ever since he heard Chuck Norris would be in attendance. “It’s a great opportunity to get some face time with Mr. Norris. If all goes well I’ll get him to endorse me for Congressman, but if not maybe I have an outside shot at being a Texas Ranger. I do walk a lot.”

Lexington landmark Tolly Ho is joining the likes of Google and McDonald’s in an effort to use corporate branding to honor women on International Women’s Day. Tolly Ho announced this morning it would be undergoing a 24-hour rebrand and would, for today only, be called Tolly Woman Who Deserves Respect.

“We wanted to show our female customers and employees how much they mean to us,” manager Chad said. “We’re taking this seriously, we removed a male customer earlier for asking our cashier for a side of fries with his shake.”

We ran into the now disgruntled customer in the parking lot. “I didn’t mean anything.” he claimed, “I just wanted an order of fries.”

“It really shows you how much women are respected in this industry,” said Tolly Women Who Deserve Respect Cashier Michelle Mueller. “I really like symbolic displays over solid reforms that would deliver immediate changes to inequality. HO VIRGIN!” She paused to shake the bell as she shouted to anyone in the restaurant who happened to be listening. “I’m also majoring in economics and women’s studies. GOT A HO VIRGIN!“

We were unable to speak with any customers at the establishment as it was still before 1:00 am.

Vice President Mike Pence is visiting Kentucky this morning; he will be speaking at More Than A Bakery, which is just a regular bakery and nothing more in Versailles. The visit is part of a tour Pence is putting together in his continual efforts to make bakeries political.

The Vice President is expected to speak on tax reform and help explain the recently passed tax cuts will help us all become as rich as elected government officials or something like that, but this reporter believes all of that explanation to be a bit of a ruse. This reporter, like probably many of you out there, have, from time to time, pretended that you needed to have a meeting with someone at a place that, conveniently, happened to sell delicious danishes, pastries, and donuts.

The event, put on by a group called America First Policies, seemed to go well, however it was hard to understand much of the tax explanation as the Vice President was loudly chewing a cheese danish through most of the explanation. He would occasionally take large swigs from a glass full of milk and the crowd would instinctively clap during the break in his talk. After finishing his third danish Pence wiped his mouth and motioned for another before secret service agents intervened saying “he’s had enough, he’s going to crash later and it will be difficult for us to get him to sleep tonight.” The only thing that was clear from the explanation was that, even if there is some sort of tax cut for bakeries, most of the people in attendance are still none the richer.

“Those of us without a bakery don’t stand to make a dime,” said one guy who I’m pretty sure actually does own a bakery.

Many media members that I spoke to are hoping that the Vice President sticks around a bit longer to do a question and answer session as, if things last a little bit longer, they’ll get to head over to Bojangles for lunch, a luxury we journalists rarely get during the day.

New Lexington Police Chief Lawrence Weathers was sworn in Sunday night at the city’s most boring Oscar party. He said his focus would be on community policing, which includes reaching out to the city’s superhero community.

The outreach program’s top priority is Catsman, the infamous Dark Wildcat of Lexington, who patrols the city streets fighting crime and bad sportsmen. Chief Weathers says previous efforts to catch Catsman were both misguided and poorly managed. “He’s so big and blue he blends in on game nights. Plus no jail cell can contain him once his March Madness kicks in.”

However, although Catsman is clearly the most popular just because of how awesome he is, the other superheroes based in Lexington have not been forgotten. “We’re going to work with them all,” said Chief Weathers, “especially Jill Szwed Weatherwoman. I have a personal connection to the weather.”

Other heroes the chief mentioned that he was interested in establishing diplomatic relations with include Silverhaired Internet Surfer, Officer Don and Green Lantern, that hipster who hangs out at that bar and fights crime with cigarettes and a pool cue.

“I believe in law and order,” continued the chief. “But we have some criminal threats in this city that the traditional police force is just not equipped to contain.” He listed several supervillains who routinely harass Lexington such as Mysterio Laneclosureo, Dr. Harley Quinn Aromatherapy Woman, and, of course, the single greatest threat to the welfare of the city, Dr. Spectrum, who has the power to throttle both the internet and our necks.

But the first step to better relations with the superhero community is bringing in the greatest hero of all, Catsman.

“For too long he has been forced to remain in the shadows,” said chief Weathers. “In the past, he has been hard to find, like a parking spot at the new Marikkas. But now I think he just might come to us.”

Then the chief pulled the tarp off the Catsignal, a high-powered spotlight that has just been installed on the temporary roof of CentrePointe. He demonstrated the power of the beam with a flick of a switch. The night sky was lit with the emblem of the Dark Wildcat’s head.

“Because this is the Gyro Lexington deserves,” said the guy working the Athenian Grill food truck that was parked outside of the Police Chief’s swearing-in ceremony.

A furry shadow whipped past us and raced up the side of CentrePointe faster than the city of Lexington regretted agreeing to build it.

WRFL celebrates its 30th birthday with a weekend of shows and exhibits but first it has to rest its collective head a little. “There’s so much to do,” said events director Sasha Tomlin, as she laid down on her couch and turned off her lava lamp, “I need to lay in the dark for a minute.” She started to snore within seconds.

Everyone who volunteers at the station is excited about the festivities but some of the older DJs and staff already feel a tad exhausted. “I can’t wait to see Washed Out,” said DJ Kyle Rafferty, who just turned 46. “Because I feel that way myself sometimes. Plus I lived in Portland for seven weeks. Wrote the first chapter of my unpublished novel there.”

A significant segment of the listener fanbase has aged right along with the radio station. Mary Clemenza bought two vegan energy drinks from Good Foods in anticipation of the coming all-nighter. “They don’t last for five hours,” she said of vegan energy drinks, “because of the lack of protein.” She hopes that one of the bouncers at the Burl might have an extra set of earbuds for her “friend”.

Fellow fan Billy “E-Jet” Ewes was sporting his The Infected tee-shirt as he impatiently waited for his kids to get home after school. “I got to take them to soccer and then their grandma’s. Then I’m getting Hemingway drunk. It’s the only alternative left.”

“Thirty years is a long time,” said DJ Andrew Byrne as he sat in the station with a pair of earbuds wrapped around his faded Green Day neck tattoo (he got it in 1996, he assures us, so it’s vintage). “The kids these days don’t even know what DJ stands for. But I’m changing, too. Turns out I like Steely Dan unironically.”

Then he put on a deep cut by James Taylor and went to get another shot of red-eye espresso. He plans on being home in bed around 11:45 pm.