The amazing news team over at WKYT aren’t just co-workers, they’re family. And like any loving family, they enjoy chatting daily, which they do via the infamous WKYT “group text”. From sharing fun cat memes (Sean Moody) to hilarious cat gifs (still Moody), they have lots of laughs with each other. However, not everyone is a part of the group text. No, there’s one glaring omission from the group fun over at channel 27.

“Yeah, Rob Bromley isn’t on the group text,” confessed Miranda Combs. “We love him but it wasn’t working out.”

“Please don’t tell him,” pleaded Monique Blair. “We usually couldn’t follow what he was trying to say with his erratic emoji usage anyway. Took us two months before we realized he thought the ‘laugh until you cry’ emoji was a sad face emoji. He really upset our poor producer when she texted all of us about her dog dying.”

The WKYT family often chats about things like family, farmers’ markets and of course, their favorite shows.

“I love the group text,” shares Dave Baker, “but I get pretty agitated when Palumbo and Dick Gabriel blow up my phone with Downton Abbey chatter. It’s like, ‘Hey guys, some of us have to DVR it and you’re ruining it with your spoiler bombs.’ Also, Bromley calls it DownTOWN Abbey and is always asking, ‘Which one is Abbey?’ Drives me up a wall. Needless to say, Bromley’s not on the group text anymore.”

Chief meteorologist Chris Bailey and his pledge Micah Harris, who make up the stellar weather team at WKYT, enjoy going out for a drink every now and then with Bromley.

“Yeah, I love hanging out with the guy,” says Bailey, “but he tends to overshare. It’s bad enough he ‘checks us in’ on Facebook at Sidebar or wherever. I just don’t need him also flooding the group text with pictures of Micah and I doing our 4th round of fireball shots at The Break Room on a Tuesday night. Look, if it were just us it wouldn’t bother me, you know?  But my mom Barbara’s on there,  and every time she sees something like that, she just starts ‘telling it like it is’ and it makes everyone uncomfortable. Yeah, Bromley isn’t on the group text anymore.”

The group text always contains a lot of playful banter after every third Friday of the month which is game night at Victor Puente’s apartment (which Bromley no longer attends because they told him Puente’s apartment burned down).

“Listen, we’re not playing checkers or Monopoly here,” explains Puente. “We play legit tabletop games but Bromley doesn’t get it. He always eats all of Amber Philpott’s brownies and brings games like Trouble with half the pieces missing. C’mon bro, do you realize how long it took me to teach Sam Dick how to play Settlers of Catan? And dude, how did you even lose the dice inside that bubble?”

With many feeling guilty about the exclusion of Bromley, a group from the news team have started planning a surprise party for the long-time fixture of the station. “We just thought a surprise celebration would be a nice thing to do for such a classy and beloved guy like Rob,” says Kristen Kennedy. “And also because he found out about the group text and we used a surprise party as the cover up.”

The recent loss of a liquor license did nothing to deter a group of King Arthur cosplayers from holding a round table meeting at Camelot East this week. After a long day of LARPing (or whatever nerds do), the group stopped at the local tavern for a spot of ale. Ginger ale, that is.

“We like to keep our meetings as authentic as possible,” said Leonard Gibson, who cosplays as the great King Arthur himself. “After my mom’s new boyfriend Derek said we couldn’t meet in her basement anymore, we decided that moving our meetings to Camelot East made the most sense. Also, I was pretty sad and wanted to see some boobs.”

“Destiny has brought us here tonight,” said Leonard as he raised a glass of water on the rocks for a toast. “So make sure you tip Destiny well when her song comes on.”

The dancers at Camelot East seemed less excited about the group’s presence.

“That was definitely a weird group of guys,” said Dezzerae, who sent us a text message after our interview to make sure we mentioned that she was only dancing to put herself through collage [sic]. “One of them tried to pay for a lap dance in experience points.”

“I feel like I really made a connection with Dezzerae,” remarked Devin Leake, who was cosplaying as the lesser known Bors The Younger. “It seemed like we had a lot in common. My chest armor is made out of plastic, her chest is made out of plastic.”

Other knights spent the evening trying to outdo one another with valiant acts. Leonard’s squire Caleb could be seen picking up Destiny’s dollar bills for her. “See, m’lady,” Caleb shouted. “Chivalry isn’t dead.”

The evening ended with security escorting the group out after one of the cosplayers released some ravens inside the building. As they were leaving, the group shouted at the club’s patrons that it was time for the knights to leave on their quest to recover what’s become the Holy Grail of sorts for Camelot East, a new liquor license.

Some customers of the Winchester Ale-8-One District (WA81D) in Clark County are on a boil Ale-8-One advisory due to a far too awesome amount of flavor and caffeine found in their main ginger ale line.  The city of Winchester has confirmed with the WA81D that the boil advisory will continue indefinitely.

In order to lift the boil Ale-8-One advisory, 81 random samples throughout the “city” of Winchester must show adequate “fizzy tastesplosion” levels and be absent of bacteria and boredom.  Soda quality analyst Dr. Jen Pepper says, “Right now that ginger ale goop is bein’ sent through the main lines at barrel proof.  So what we’re seein’ in the bottle, is more of an Ale 9, and legally it needs to be at more of an 8, or an 8.1, if you want it to be legal for public consumption.”

City Officials (Lee Cruse’s kinfolk) maintain that while these levels of “Rad Flavortude” are on the high side, they are still at acceptable levels for public consumption.  Officials want to remind residents that during the boil advisory it is not safe to drink or brush your teeth with the delicious beverage, however it is still ok to use Ale-8-1 to bathe or wash clothes as normal.

Of the Winchester residents interviewed, many weren’t concerned by the advisory. “I keep a pot of Ale-8 boiling all day anyway. Really adds some nice flavor to my Burgoo,” commented Georgia Rodgers, self-proclaimed Burgoo Queen of Clark County.

The WA81D plans to monitor the samples and test them by pairing them with different bourbons over the weekend.  Officials are hopeful a decision can be reached sometime Monday afternoon, or just whenever they all wake up, as they expect Sunday to be a late one. Until a decision has been reached, it will be necessary for all Winchester residents to boil any Ale-8-1 that they get from their sink faucet.

The 25% off coupon from the Fru Gal wasn’t the only Cougar Bait at Michaels this week. As part of this week’s Lexington Arts and Craft Beer Week sponsored by Pinterest® the Michaels in Hamburg, you know, the one next to Best Buy, yeah that one, decided to serve local beers. Customers purchasing styrofoam spheres for solar system projects, or hot glue and mason jars, were able to enjoy a refreshing West 6th IPA while waiting in line to checkout.

As predicted, things got out of hand quickly. Michaels suffered thousands of dollars worth of damage during the brief experiment, which saw a riot of intoxicated crafters take over the store. The initial plan to offer discounted craft beer during a calligraphy workshop ended in madness as a bachelorette party began gluegunning beers and smashing wooden bird houses. Once word of the discounted drinks got out, hordes of beer and cursive enthusiasts descended upon the craft store. “Things got crazy really quickly,” the now former Michaels Manager said. “Things were said, hole punches were thrown. We were lucky the authorities arrived before they got their hands on the x-acto knives.” A detailed police report was filed thanks to employees scrapbooking the entire event.

Michaels wasn’t the only craft store to get involved in the festivities. Hobby Lobby, the one over on the other side of Winchester road, has, for religious reasons, created their own non-alcoholic “Hobby Lager.”

“We are always looking for ways to be more involved in the community,” Hobby Lobby spokesman Luther Johnston said. “We wanted to get involved in Arts and Craft Beer Week sponsored by Pinterest®. So we decided to make our lager non-alcoholic because some of our employees are somewhat irresponsible, DENISE, and we can’t risk having an intoxicated staff with no birth control running around.” Denise could not be reached for comment.

Events of Lexington Arts and Crafts Beer Week sponsored by Pinterest® are not limited to Michaels and Hobby Lobby. Country Boy Brewing will be hosting a ‘Do Something With An Old Wood Pallet Night’ on Thursday and The Beer Trappe will be offering Mod Podge Pale Ale and Papier-Mâché Pilsners all week.

A woman stuck in traffic on Versailles Road early Monday morning has apparently demanded Officer Don’s badge number after Lexington’s second favorite helicopter pilot reported on air that the route was clear.

Cherice Hoffman, 37, of Versailles, could be seen in the front seat of her 2001 Chevy Lumina visibly frustrated at the sheer volume of cars in stop-and-go traffic ahead of her.

“I want Officer Don’s badge number,” said an enraged Cherice about the definitely not currently an actual police officer. “I’m going straight to his superior officer. I’ll have him at a desk shuffling papers before WKYT News At Noon.”

Barbara Bailey, who we’re pretty sure is Don’s ‘superior officer’ at WKYT because she’s the first person listed on the website’s News Team section, could not be reached for comment, as she was stuck in traffic on Nicholasville Road.

We spoke to Officer Don when he landed his helicopter at the Clays Mill location of North Lime Coffee and Donuts as Creedence Clearwater Revival’s “Fortunate Son” played over the helicopter’s loud speaker. He said that while the helicopter does help him see traffic with a birds eye view, it’s tough to do that on an empty stomach.