Michaels Applies For, Immediately Loses Liquor License During Raucous Arts & Craft Beer Week

By: Harold Leeder

May 18, 2016

The 25% off coupon from the Fru Gal wasn’t the only Cougar Bait at Michaels this week. As part of this week’s Lexington Arts and Craft Beer Week sponsored by Pinterest® the Michaels in Hamburg, you know, the one next to Best Buy, yeah that one, decided to serve local beers. Customers purchasing styrofoam spheres for solar system projects, or hot glue and mason jars, were able to enjoy a refreshing West 6th IPA while waiting in line to checkout.

As predicted, things got out of hand quickly. Michaels suffered thousands of dollars worth of damage during the brief experiment, which saw a riot of intoxicated crafters take over the store. The initial plan to offer discounted craft beer during a calligraphy workshop ended in madness as a bachelorette party began gluegunning beers and smashing wooden bird houses. Once word of the discounted drinks got out, hordes of beer and cursive enthusiasts descended upon the craft store. “Things got crazy really quickly,” the now former Michaels Manager said. “Things were said, hole punches were thrown. We were lucky the authorities arrived before they got their hands on the x-acto knives.” A detailed police report was filed thanks to employees scrapbooking the entire event.

Michaels wasn’t the only craft store to get involved in the festivities. Hobby Lobby, the one over on the other side of Winchester road, has, for religious reasons, created their own non-alcoholic “Hobby Lager.”

“We are always looking for ways to be more involved in the community,” Hobby Lobby spokesman Luther Johnston said. “We wanted to get involved in Arts and Craft Beer Week sponsored by Pinterest®. So we decided to make our lager non-alcoholic because some of our employees are somewhat irresponsible, DENISE, and we can’t risk having an intoxicated staff with no birth control running around.” Denise could not be reached for comment.

Events of Lexington Arts and Crafts Beer Week sponsored by Pinterest® are not limited to Michaels and Hobby Lobby. Country Boy Brewing will be hosting a ‘Do Something With An Old Wood Pallet Night’ on Thursday and The Beer Trappe will be offering Mod Podge Pale Ale and Papier-Mâché Pilsners all week.