Walking by a tattoo shop, you’d expect the music selection to be something in between Iron Maiden and Steve Earle’s “Copperhead Road”, not the piano concertos of Rachmaninoff. But that’s what you get at the Summit’s Completely Charmed Life Tattoo Parlor.

Tattoo artist Charles Lee III (The Third!) takes us through his design catalog: emblems from the International Association of Train Travelers, Sorority Letters, Cartoon Veal Shanks and Eggs Benedict. Plus outlines of Andover with its zip code, 40509, in the center.

“We can also do custom inks, as well.” The parlor’s wall is lined with photos from previous Summit patrons. The ink immortalizing the names of their favorite childhood chauffeur or the cousin they had their summer tryst with on a rowboat in Martha’s Vineyard. “I got the name of my boat across my upper back,” said yacht owner, Geoff W (no middle name, just the letter) Woolry.

While the shop does not have content restrictions, they do have a strict no lower back tattoo policy. “We call them, ‘Scamp Stamps’,” Lee (The Third!) explains. “We’d be done with middle back tattoos, too, if we could get away with it. Upper back is ideal though we do cater to the needs of the upper middle, as well.”

Completely Charmed Life Tattoo Parlor is part of the Summit’s planned Vice District. The area will also feature a pool hall called Strictly Billiards and the grand reopening of Camelot East Gentleman’s Club.

“Our shopping area was designed as a simulacrum of the typical American neighborhood,” says the Summit’s public relations director Theodore Tycoon. “So, by Jove, what’s more American than a little ballyhoo from the riff-raff?” Then Mr. Tycoon adjusted his ascot.

What started out as a promising Facebook event everyone was attending, suddenly turned into a collection of maybes after one friend accidentally invited your ex.

“Look, the weather has been perfect, let’s get out and enjoy it,” began the event’s description. “This Thursday Kenny’s band is playing. We should all try and get out there after work around 6. We can meet at Belle’s and walk over?”

However, the best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry, but one friend must not be a Steinbeck fan, as they Lennie’d up the whole night for everyone when they invited ‘you-know-who’.

“We all agreed that we’d still be nice to them socially, but that doesn’t mean we have to hang out with them all the time or invite them to everything,” said one friend privately. “I mean what happened to their so-called friends? Can’t they just do something with them?”

The friend in question blames the faux pas on habits, both drinking and the other use of that word. “It’s a real balancing act to be friends with both sides of a couple,” he said. “It’s like a seesaw but we’re all too old to be hanging out at playgrounds anymore.”

Old habits die hard, so we’ll probably just watch that tonight if you want to come over here instead. That or Sister Act 2?

Late Tuesday evening witnesses (employees and single dads) said they saw a man seated in the Nicholasville Road Applebee’s unfurl his silverware and then place the napkin in his lap.

“Who is he trying to impress?” asked one of many Todd’s in attendance. “Like, is he worried he’ll get this bourbon steak sauce on his good sweatpants? This isn’t TGI Fridays man, keep your napkin on the table, we’re not putting on airs here.”

“When I saw him walk in and put the napkin on his lap I immediately ran back to the kitchen and told them the CEO was here,” said waitress Tammy. “At the very least I figured he was a secret shopper or something.”

“I totally get what he was doing,” said another Todd. “I love those microwaved riblets they have but I don’t want my kids coming over on my weekend and seeing the shame stains all over me.”