After MTV saw the ratings for their reboot of Fear Factor, which premiered last week with a 2-hour episode, soar through the tarantula-covered roof, producers are chomping at the octopus bits to start filming yet another season of the legendary reality show.

Location scouts were sent to Lexington after hearing that Fayette Mall’s Food Court was recently declared a hotspot for some of the world’s most dangerous meals. “It’s like the Peddler’s Mall for stomach infections,” according to one health inspector who spoke on the condition of gastrointestinal distress. “You don’t know what you’ll find there but it will have a scant layer of hot dog water on it.”

While Yelp reviewers have long recommended the location to only the bravest of eaters, the Fayette Mall Food Court has recently seen a boost in reported issues involving foodborne illnesses.

The Lexington-Fayette Health Department has heard the complaints, and so has the savvy Fear Factor production team. They rushed to the Food Court faster than most people have to rush to the bathrooms near the Food Court.

“We’ve had contestants eat things like the eyes of horses all while lying in a pit of scorpions, but then we heard about the Fayette Mall Food Court, and now we’re gonna see some real fear,” said MTV’s new host of Fear Factor Ludacris.

“I’ll tell you what’s ludicrous… MTV not paying me to host this show,” said former Fear Factor host Joe Rogan as he drank some homemade ayahuasca from a mop bucket near the bathrooms at the mall. “Who cares about eating some spiders from a Coach bag? Don’t they realize that, on average, we humans accidentally swallow the souls of 8 aliens per year while we’re asleep? If that doesn’t factor into your fear, I dunno what will. Maybe learning the truth about yourself in a deprivation chamber.”

The Horse-Art Capital of the World made big waves on Twitter last night following LexArts Gallery HOP’s announcement that it was changing its name to Gallery HOb.

Rival publications like Business Lexington and The Chevy Chaser (who unlike other popular publications are actually able to sell ad space) have filled many of their pages with speculations about what the new “b” might actually stand for. Guesses range from bacon to breakfast to Beaux Arts Ball. While we’re not sure the P ever stood for anything in the first place, we are pretty certain this is a fantastic marketing strategy, unless it’s just short for Hobbits, which would be as terrible as that pun.

While the Gallery HOP has been a staple of the downtown Lexington scene for many years, art-goers are tired of seeing the same old art and pancakes show year in and year out. As LexArts President Gail Airy explained, “It’s time for something different. Something bold with a B, but that’s not what the B stands for though.”

While the mystery behind the name change has plagued other local publications, some of whom actually pay the people who write for them, we were able to solve it easily by asking Airy right after she said that whole thing about it not being bold.

“The B is for Burgers,” she said. “I dunno if you were around town last week, but everyone went crazy about burgers. So we thought if we could combine our passion for Gallery Exhibitions with the attendance of Burger Week, I think we’d really see this city start to embrace artists outside of Woodland Park.”

Need more hot Gallery HOb content? Click here to find our list of the 5 best ways to nod pretentiously when you don’t understand the art during Gallery HOb.

32-year-old Ken Blevins wasn’t expecting his afternoon trip to the arboretum to turn into a 3-day quest for survival but that’s what happened. “I kept to the trails at first but I just felt like I was going in circles,” says Blevins. “The first night was the worst. I’m not used to it getting so dark out. Used to the city lights. I tried calling for help but all I heard back was the cold wind of mother natures indifference.”

“I remember him yelling ‘Help! Is there anybody out there?'” says Rose Oldlady. Her house borders the arboretum. “I just figured it was some kid on drugs. It’s not like I haven’t had a bad trip before. Once you hit that wave you just gotta ride it out till it peaks.”

Blevins anxiety grew into the night. “I tried to count my steps back on my Fitbit but those screens are hard to see in the dark. After I woke up that morning I knew my only chance of being rescued would come from within. I realized if I was going to survive I had to go feral.”

“I was almost done with my second lap when I saw him.” Says Courtney Spaulding. “It looked like someone had dropped a bag of crackers on the track and this guy was hunched over it, sniffing at it. He turned around and started hissing at me. Then he picked up the remains of the bag in his teeth and crawled into the woods.”

“Those were my son’s goldfish crackers,” says Lawrence Williams. “His favorite snack.” William’s family goes to the Arboretum most Saturdays. “We were on the walking track when this guy came out of the woods barking and clapping two tree branches together. Scared the beejezus out of us.”

Authorities were finally called after a home owner found their Pomeranian in their backyard trapped inside a wooden cage Blevins had made. Authorities finally located Blevins leaning up against a water fountain, drinking a bottle of his own urine.

Blevin’s family has planned a welcome home celebration this weekend at Jacobson Park. “This time I’m bringing a compass.” Says Blevins.