Kentucky has always been a difficult place for dentists to make a living thanks to Mountain Dew and methamphetamines, but now the State Government is trying to do its part to cause gingivitis, too. A recent cut to Medicaid’s dental and vision benefits by Governor Matt Bevin has forced several dentists to turn away patients who didn’t really want to be there, anyway.
The cuts to Medicaid’s dental benefits will affect nearly 80% of dental practices across the commonwealth. The lack of coverage may force Kentucky’s patients to stop seeking dental treatment altogether. Except for the middle-schoolers who only get braces because braces are suddenly cool now. They will find a way.
Four out of five dentists agree that patients won’t be able to afford their services now. However, they could not agree on which brand of gum I should be chewing.
“I usually have a whole calendar full of 2:30 appointments, but now even if they do hurt, I can’t take those patients,” explained Orin Scrivello, D.D.S., in between tugs off a pretty sweet gas rig. “No one can afford me if they don’t have coverage. I’ve got to pay for all these magazine subscriptions in the waiting room somehow. Plus the beach house.”
Luckily, the Medicaid cuts are only going to impact pregnant women, disabled adults, children, and elderly people. “We call them the high-risk patients,” said Scrivello as he aligned sharp metallic objects on a reflective tray. “Because they’re most likely to bite you.”
A dental hygienist sprayed down the patient chair with the steady-hand of a former CIA black site torturer. “Look,” said Scrivello, washing his hands of the matter, (mostly corn), “It’s a scary time right now, and I should know, almost everyone is afraid to see me.”
Scrivello selected a dental stick from a tray of tooth tools. “These cuts could just be the beginning. They could end up like a bad case of gum disease, they’ll never stop bleeding. Open AHHHHH,” sang Scrivello as he waved his friend Mr. Thirsty under my tongue. “You do have insurance, right? Because you are going to need it.”