While the accounting department isn’t always known for its ability to rock out with its excel doc out, Jeff Newcomb is looking to change that, if anyone actually decides to show up.

After putting the flyer up in the common area break room a month ago, Newcomb’s been hopeful that a lot of his colleagues will come out to see some “live music” when his cover band has their big debut at Parlay Social later this month.

However, as the date approaches, Newcomb has noticed that the event page he created on Facebook is losing a lot of numbers in the ‘interested’ category, and not gaining any people listed as ‘going’. “I mean I’ll try to make it, but I think it’s on a Wednesday night and I’m not sure I can get a sitter,” read the event page’s only comment, written by officemate Cam Hamilton, over three weeks ago.

Newcomb spoke to us at length about this new musical project ‘The Billies’, which decidedly will be a cover band devoted to playing covers of “Billy Joel, Billy Idol, and Will Oldham, then hopefully (crossing fingers) maybe a Billy Squier encore.” He claims that they’re not completely married to the Billy theme. “Todd, lead guitar, works downtown, and says we should learn a Wilson Phillips song to get the former vice mayor to come down to the show.”

Regardless of the direction of the cover band, Newcomb says that “after being in a band that played some originals, about 8 years ago” he’s just excited to be out there playing again. “I mean while it’s been forever since I even picked up a bass, it didn’t take very long to find the groove again” he waited for a laugh or smile that never came from the interviewer, “but the show’s gonna be rad man, we’ll even have some keys as long as Kevin gets off work in time.”

While Newcomb mentions he’s feeling a little nervous about the potential turnout, he’s still hopeful his co-workers will come out. “Danny in HR said he probably can’t make it, but he did like our band’s Facebook page, so who knows?”

Parlay Social, known as much for their hand made cocktails and prohibition era decor as they are for hosting live music four nights a week, was unaware of any bookings for ‘The Billies’ at press time.

Tempers flared at LEX 18 yesterday afternoon when it was discovered that Chris Goodman was the culprit who stole the fresh baked rhubarb pie Bill Meck had placed on his window ledge to cool. Goodman, who got the idea while watching a marathon of Tom And Jerry cartoons over the Thanksgiving holiday, confessed to the crime after Meck caught him with rhubarb stains around his mouth during LEX 18 News At Noon.

“I know Chris typically overdoes it with the makeup before going on air,” Meck said, “but this time I noticed even more than usual around his lips. Once I got close enough, I realized that it wasn’t makeup at all, but instead the residue from my rhubarb pie.”

Meck got the recipe for the pie from coworker Steve Butera.

“I was really impressed with Steve’s Hot Brown recipe that I saw after election day,” Meck told us, “so I said ‘alright Stevie, what other culinary tricks do you have up your sleeve?'”

Goodman showed absolutely no remorse when confronted about the pie theft.

“My name may be Goodman, but when it comes to pies, I’m a bad boy.”

In a sad turn of events, local retailer Pieratt’s has apparently lost its Nicholasville Road store to some type of supernatural phenomenon on this Black Friday. The company slogan, “Nobody Beats Pieratt’s!”, caught up to them around 8:15am this morning after the Mount Tabor Road location could not beat the prices set forth at the Nicholasville Road location, causing a tear in the space-time continuum and thus sending the Nicholasville Road store spiraling into a parallel universe, leaving nothing behind except a big, Black Friday Hole.

“We’re supposed to have the same unbeatable prices!,” pleaded Mount Tabor’s location manager Dave Levinson, “but Cooper, the manager over on Nicholasville Road, got carried away and made his prices so low, I simply COULD NOT BEAT THEM. I mean, $129 for 50” inch flatscreen? How could he be so careless?!”

Sources say a customer brought the extremely low TV prices to the attention of the sales staff at Mount Tabor, prompting Levinson to call over to the Nicholasville Road store. From there, eye witnesses say Levinson became visibly upset, shouting into the phone “you did what?!” and “in the handbook it clearly says a Pieratt’s divided against itself cannot stand!”

One eyewitness, Neil deGrasse Tyson, said what happened next was chilling.

“Yeah, one minute he was yelling at him but then he started losing the connection or something. Started screaming, “nooooooooooo!” and “Cooper?! Cooper?! Are you there?!” But it was too late. The moment Cooper set those prices at a point this location could not beat, he had already set forth a chain of events that caused his store to slip into a parallel universe. Go look at their website, the store is already fading away like Marty McFly in a family photo.”

After 70 years of “nobody beating Pieratt’s”, it appears Pieratt’s has beat themselves. And while the loss of the long-time local business is unfortunate, the biggest tragedy resulting from the supernatural event, which created a Black Friday Hole, is now Lexington has two big holes in it.

While members of the Morgan family weren’t surprised by the length of the elaborate blessing given by the law firms founder, John Morgan, at the family’s Thanksgiving feast, everyone was clearly caught off guard when Morgan abruptly ended it with, “for the people”, instead of the more traditional prayer closer, “Amen.” Sources say the prayer was a real rollercoaster ride, covering everything from blessing the hands that prepared the food to stories of Morgan listening to UK games on the radio in his dad’s hot car with the windows rolled up and no AC, which is perfectly legal in his home state of Florida.

“None of us were exactly sure what his old childhood stories had to do with Thanksgiving dinner,” said one anonymous Morgan son whose name totally isn’t Dan Morgan, “then again, those stories don’t have anything to do with practicing law either, but that doesn’t stop him from adding them to his radio ads, which are totally not the worst thing airing on the radio.”

John Morgan, who is a huge proponent for the legalization of medical marijuana, spent most the dinner and dessert time telling stories of yesteryear to his wife, kids and son’s girlfriend Ashley. However, at one point, everyone around the table, Morgan and Morgan and Morgan and Morgan and Ashley, had dozed off. “My family loves my stories,” Morgan assured the press, “but between how hard we work ‘for the people’ and all that tryptophan in the turkey, guess that’ll make anyone tired.”

Morgan also insisted the brownies he baked, which made everyone hungry for seconds, were completely normal. “Brownies have a bunch of tryptophan in them too.”

If you would like to find out which Morgan of Morgan and Morgan you are, take our quiz.

Fayette County is the latest to join a long list of Kentucky counties currently under a burn ban, but that hasn’t deterred Kentucky Sports Radio co-host Ryan Lemond from continuing a favorite hobby of his, burning CDs for his long-time friend, mustachioed hot yoga fanatic Alan Cutler.

Despite the seriousness of the burn ban, Lemond was spotted Thursday morning in the alley behind Tolly Ho handing Cutler his latest musical creation, Ryan’s Chill Mix: Volume Two.

“Cutler asked for all Yanni and Enya songs, but Ryan mostly put Darius Rucker deep tracks on there,” a source that totally wasn’t Shannon The Dude told us.

Lemond and Cutler, the only two people in Lexington still listening to CDs, began their arrangement in 2009, when Cutler’s Sony Walkman fell out of his pocket during his chase of Billy Gillispie, shattering the Gregorian Chant CD he had inside. Lemond replaced the CD in exchange for some of Cutler’s mustache clippings, and that agreement has continued ever since.

It’s still unclear when the burn ban will be lifted, or when Lemond and Cutler will just upgrade to Spotify, but the latter isn’t likely to occur any time soon, as Cutler can’t figure out how to download the app onto his flip phone.