The full-scale replica of Noah’s Ark, filled with really cool dinosaurs but none of the good transformers, was created by Answers In Genesis leader Ken Ham opened on July 7 2016. Officials have said the cost of the park at it’s opening exceeded $100 million, but now, just a scant year later, the Ark has been sold for a mere $10 proving, again, that boat’s don’t hold their value.

“It’s disheartening man,” said local houseboat enthusiast Dan Glass, “my dad always warned me that boats lose their value, but to see the ark sold for $10 after costing however much to build, really makes you think about that pontoon I’ve always wanted.”

Ham explained the reasoning for the reduced price, “You try finding parts for a boat that’s almost 3,000 years old. You know how much a 3,000 year old outboard motor is? Me either, but if you can find one remember we won’t pay taxes on it.”

As Ham alluded to, many have accused the religious organization that owns the park, of taking tax breaks to build the Ark replica, then selling it back to themselves for a mere $10 in order to avoid any future taxes. Not everyone has the same nefarious suspicions, Glass told us “Even at $10 I think he overpaid, you’re not going to get any good tubing off the back of that thing.”

In the worst spin move Northern Kentucky has seen since Jared Lorenzen played for the River Monsters, the Ark Encounter attempted to distract from the questions about the potential tax evasion by lighting up their boat with rainbow lights. Ham said of the lights, “I’ve projected this rainbow on the ark as part of a covenant with the people of Grant County to show them that, while I did have sell the venture from one arm of my business to another to potentially avoid paying a boatload of money in taxes despite the fact that all of this was only possible because of tax breaks and support from the community, I will never do that again. And every time they see rainbow lights they will remember the promise I made to them to not cheat them out of anymore tax money.”

Glass concluded by saying, “If they’re hard up for money and they haven’t done a two for one sale yet then what are they even doing?”

Lexington residents are rejoicing today as they are finally able to eat again. Modeled after some state’s laws, Lexington has required a three-day waiting period between themed restaurant weeks and now that the cooling off period has passed Lexingtonians are finally able to gorge themselves on special event menus at restaurants across the city once again.

“Someone told us that yesterday was national hot dog day, so we went down to Speedway to grab one,” began local semi-pro yelp reviewer Tim Cordon, “but I got in some huge argument with everyone there about whether or not it was a sandwich, and left hungry and alone.”

Many Lexington citizens were seen outside the same Speedway, you know the one that usually has all the people smoking next to gasoline tanks… by the hospital over there… you know which one I’m talking about, anyway, citizens were seen outside that Speedway holding cardboard signs that said “will eat for food” throughout the week.

Cordon and blog partner Karl Bleu explained that the recent surge of ‘hanger’ related arguments can really be blamed on the city’s reliance on food themes, “Not only has Lexington developed a heartier appetite, but they’ve also forgotten how to make food decisions for themselves.”

Bleu, the better half of Lexington’s premier food blog The Taste Buds, tried to explain the reliance on ‘thematic eating’ even further likening the city to everyone’s romantic partner, “Lexington has become everyone’s wife because they never know where or what they want to eat, whenever it’s time to eat.”

Cordon, Bleu and the rest of Lexington’s populous that are unable to cook for themselves will be embracing Lexington’s newest theme week where residents can enjoy a 3 course meal at participating restaurants for 25 or 26 dollars as restaurants weren’t really able to agree on a set price.

The Taste Buds, as unofficial spokespeople for Eats Week, explained that while there isn’t as clear of a gimmick this week, many restaurants will be participating as, “they just knew they wanted to charge 5 times more than last week, and don’t want to cook any more *$#%bag burgers.”

A frazzled WLEX Meterologist Bill Meck arrived late to work this morning. Meck rushed into the office, a loose tie around his neck, his glasses askew, and carrying a large thermos of coffee which he promptly refilled in the break room upon arrival. “I’m gonna need as much of this stuff as I can get my hands on,” Meck said holding up a decaf coffee pot. “The orange handle, I think, means ‘caution, there’s extra caffine in this one.’ I don’t usually drink coffee, I usually just derive my energy from Mother Nature, you know? That, and Mountain Dew Code Red.”

The reason for Meck’s tardiness? He was up all night correcting and interacting with local Game Of Thrones fans on Twitter. “I kept seeing tweets saying ‘#winteriscoming’ and I thought, ok, I’m glad you are interested in finally preparing properly for winter weather advisories but, we’ve got a heat wave coming up that I’ve been warning you about for the last three days. But then I started seeing ‘#WinterIsHere’ and I realized it was going to be a long night of setting folks straight about the current seven day forecast.”

“This job is very rewarding sometimes. There is no bigger thrill than pre-empting a popular primetime television program to warn people that there might be heavy rain in a part of the state they don’t live in. I know I’m saving lives when I do that. But with that high, comes the low of predicting temperatures in the mid 90’s and then seeing viewers tweeting that winter is here. Infuriating.”

Meck concluded by saying “I bet the frustration I felt last night trying to correct those people is how Neil DeGrasse Tyson must feel every time he watches a movie about space. It really tests your mental fortitude.”

Lexington’s Burger Week, can bring out the best in local chefs. Their creativity and passion are tested by the week-long marathon of making delicious burgers at a meager $5 price point, that stand out among the 46 participating restaurants. However, this week-long culinary tryst with beef can cause grief and consternation with patrons and servers alike. A Facebook post from Monday has gone “Lexington Viral” (which means we saw it last night) that shows, while Burger Week can bring out the best in Lexington’s culinary artists, it can also bring out the worst in its customers.

A local good Samaritan (person not hospital) stole this nasty note off the table before the note could be read by a service worker in town that, quite possibly, was working as hard as they could during the most stressful time of year for restaurant employees.

For some restaurants letters of this type are newsworthy, and perhaps even make the rounds of social media. For others, it’s just Monday.

“That college girl that went to Cheapside’s letter? That’d go in our ‘Feelin Good In The Neighborhood’ pile,” explained Rebeccitha Jackson, an emotionless hostess that has worked at the Applebee’s on Nicholasville Road for the last year and a half.

“I try and nab a bunch of notes before our servers or managers see them, I mean those customers aren’t ever coming back anyway, I think most of them only ate here because they were lost, or were from Winchester,” added Jackson without any sort of facial expression.

While burger week will conclude on Sunday, life at Applebee’s will continue to go on as usual for what must seem like an eternity to the employees.

The city of Lexington lies in peril Monday morning after the city’s entire computing mainframe was taken over by famed Facebook hacker Jayden K. Smith. Investigators have traced the point of entry to the home computer of former vice mayor Jim Gray. After Gray, who evidently doesn’t read Facebook messages he receives, accepted the hacker’s friend request it was only a matter of hours before the entire city was under Smith’s control.

“I’m the mayor, it’s my duty to stay in touch with my constituents,” Gray said. “Even if I don’t have friends in common with someone that doesn’t mean their opinion isn’t important. Plus, I loved him in The Pursuit Of Happiness and he’s a real hoot on twitter.”

The former vice mayor addressed the media this morning in a press conference. One reporter asked “Mr. Mayor do you think it was Anonymous?” “No,” Gray answered “his name was Jayden, it said it right there on the friend request.”

When asked what systems were impacted Gray responded, “I dunno what we keep on the mainframe, is that the cloud? Regardless, I just hope I don’t have to redo my Amazon wish list or sync my iTunes library again. That always takes forever.”

The former vice mayor did point out that this was the first cyber attack that has hit the city while Gray has been in office, “We haven’t had any issues with hackers under my watch, we did have a close call with Steve Kay thought Pirate Bay was ‘some sort of really cool waterpark’ though.”