In a move suggesting the only term limits they need is their own stupidity, Kentucky legislators voted on a bill ending future pensions for teachers as well as their own political careers. The bill was hurried through the state house last night after suddenly being added in a subcommittee to a wastewater bill.

“You just don’t understand the kind of 3-dimensional chess we’re playing here,” said House Majority Leader Jonathan Shell, who helped present the bill in committee. “This is a power play. You’ve seen the kind of work we’re able to do while in office, just imagine what we’re capable of once we get some free time on our hands.” Shell then reached into his pocket, said, “A souvenir from the game of kings,” and handed us a peg from the boardgame Battleship.

“Well, I saw a waste bill,” says Rep. Bam Carney. “And thought, we’ve been kinda wasting everyone’s time this session so maybe we should just toss ourselves out with the water, too.”

Carney, who in an M. Night Shyamalan type twist is himself a teacher, was asked how this bill could make it through without anyone even reading it. Carney started humming the lyrics to the Schoolhouse Rock classic “I’m Just a Bill”.  When asked if he knew the lyrics to that song, Carney said, “Not really. I would put that on in class sometimes while I caught up on my Real Housewives.”

Meanwhile, teachers are planning on spending their upcoming Spring Break in Frankfort, the first time anyone has vacationed there. Eighth grade English teacher Laura Wilson seemed ready for anything. “Last week I was teaching my kids The Outsiders. And now it looks like the Socs actually wanna rumble.”

Carney ended his briefing by saying, “While we are sorry that teachers have to give up their pensions, we want to make sure we enjoy our retirement. I think history will show we did the right thing. Especially when no one’s around to teach it.”