In Response To Jones’ ‘KS Bar’ Mitch McConnell To Open ‘Dave & Filibusters’

By: Harold Leeder

April 6, 2018

Matt Jones, the host of Lexington’s greatest television show of all time Hey Kentucky and also some sort of morning radio show, has decided to throw his visor into the ring of Lexington’s ever-growing list of restaurant owners.

While the impossible to pronounce KSBar and Grille has been in the planning stages for over a year, one thing Jones didn’t plan on was seeing some direct competition opening up right next door.

Yesterday Jones addressed a limited amount of local media members while insisting that other local media invites “may have gone into your spam folder.” Jones, a former lawyer, claimed he was very qualified to open the establishment saying, “Look, I passed the bar, now I own a bar.”

Regardless, a much larger portion of us attended a lavishly catered press event put on by Jones’ political rival and Lexington’s even newer restauranteur Mitch McConnell. A McConnell aide eluded to Jones by saying, “If he wants to open up a bar right next to ours, I’ll be glad to introduce him to the worst mistake he’s ever made.”

McConnell poked his head out from behind a curtain to announce that he, too, would be opening a bar he was told to say would be “fun.” The bar, Dave & Fillibusters, will be run by many of Washington’s elite and should open “the day before Matt’s place.”

Statements were brief by the Senator, but he did admit he’s already hired some of the staff for the bar. Dave & Filibusters management team will include former Show Me’s manager Jeff Hoover, and some friends of someone we weren’t as familiar with, Cole.

Dave & Fillibusters will feature a mix of potpourri, raw fava beans, and mildew to help recreate McConnell’s signature old white man smell. The bar plans to play old CSPAN soundbites over the speakers punctuated by the occasional basketball game buzzer sound effect.

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While menu items for Jones’ KS Bar were revealed by us on Twitter just over a month ago, McConnell is still trying to sort out his menu’s direction. “Leafy greens for sure, and whatever else I can find up here on this fencepost.”