Within the span of two days, a second potential challenger to Mitch McConnell has found themselves unable to go over the air.

With a congressional impeachment currently ongoing there isn’t really much for the leader of the Senate to do right now, but Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has found a new way to fill his time. He’s finally found time for one of his favorite activities, complaining about other people.

“I’m a rich white man, so it is in my blood to want to complain and wag my finger at others while paying no attention to my own words and the hypocrisy I create,” McConnell said via a staffer even though we were standing right there and could hear McConnell tell the staffer to tell us that.

“My hands are pretty tied right now, which is why I have this twerp taking dictation,” said McConnell via an aide with a doctorate in game theory from M.I.T.

“I mean, would you find it fair?” asked one of McConnell’s staffers who told us his name but he was so boring we forgot to write it down. “Would you find it fair that one candidate can zip through the clouds, land and walk around in aviator sunglasses while the other candidate’s face is too flat to support anything other than these paper-thin clear John Lennon glasses?”

McConnell continued, “this is just doing what’s fair. For instance, would it be fair for Superman to fight another superhero and use his power of flight when his opponent, say an out of shape, octogenarian ninja turtle, wasn’t allowed to fly?”

“How about we Free Mitch McConnell ever think of that?!” asked McConnell as he continued to follow us to the cafeteria even though he said he didn’t care about us.

“I think that’s exactly what we’re trying to do sir,” said Jones, McGrath, and Adkins before continuing to eat their chicken wings with alleged Governor Andy Beshear.

With Election Day just a little more than a week away, the entire city of Lexington was shocked this morning to hear Former Vice Mayor Jim Gray announce he would be moving the city’s “Trick-Or-Treating” night to tomorrow instead of Wednesday. Democrats across the country are weighing in on the decision and wonder why Gray would take such a bold stance on such a controversial issue. With this one hasty and hardline decision to reschedule the city’s Halloween plans, Gray’s House of Cards may have finally toppled over.

The announcement rang out to the city from Gray’s Facebook page, but many are pointing their fingers at Gray’s backers. “Why are we changing trick-or-treating because of the rain? I’m more worried about the fact that Gray has handed over the reins to the likes of Chris Bailey and Bill Meck. I mean, what will those two do with all that power?” asked former Mayoral candidate Ike Lawrence. “Don’t let the government tell you when you can celebrate Halloween, just let the calendar do its job.”

With less than 1% polled planning to vote for Gray in the upcoming mayoral race, recent polls are no longer even showing Gray as a potential winner, and one has to wonder if this was the final straw. “The scarecrow has fallen, the scarecrow has fallen,” shouted Congressman Andy Barr at a rally this morning. Barr was addressing supporters at a Halloween luncheon fundraiser where he was dressed in his MAGA-Man costume, which consisted of a lifelike full bodied Mega Man suit with a Make America Great Again hat stapled to the helmet.

Amy McGrath found herself behind enemy lines once again on Thursday when she walked into the Regency Center Supercuts for her monthly trim and shampoo.

McGrath, a Lieutenant Colonel, and first Thursday regular noticed an unfamiliar face getting a trim and Supercuts special gray-blending service. “Walk-ins are welcome, but not flyovers,” Andy Barr said over his hair-covered shoulder.

For future former Congressman Barr, it was his first trip to the supercuts in Regency Center, and potentially his first haircut in Kentucky in the last 10 years. “I tried going to Fantastic Sams, but they won’t turn on The View no matter how many times I asked,” said Barr, “and I need my daily dose of Whoopsi.”

Alexander Miles, McGrath’s regular Supercuts stylist, seated the former fighter pilot across the aisle from Barr as she laughed, “Fantastic Sams? Maybe Pretty Good Sams, but a congressperson should always look their best.”

Miles laughed as McGrath pointed to the wall at which haircut that she wanted and said, “Bet ol’ Andy wishes he could get this one, but his chances are getting THINNER.”

Afterward, the two sat quietly through the awkward setting, yet both received spectacular service and gorgeous haircuts.

McGrath was the first to finish and after making a big show of a healthy 4 dollar tip for her stylist, she decided to try and prove her mettle to Barr by taking a swig of some of Miles’ barbicide. As she walked by a still-seated Barr, she whispered: “Go Big Blue” through the tonic’s burn.

Once McGrath and her staff left, Barr insisted that his barber rewash his hair with “that shampoo that gave women orgasms in the 90s.”

UPDATE: The encounter became even more awkward when, 20 minutes after Barr’s hairstyling experience ended, the two congressional candidates bumped into each other all over again just a few doors down from the Supercuts.

Upon discovering they’re both Maxxinistas, McGrath ran a switchblade comb through her new hairdo and said, “If there’s one thing we can agree on, it’s how to look terrific.”

Family Feud auditions are coming to Louisville on September 22nd and several families even more dysfunctional than yours intend to try out for the game show. We have exclusive access to the signup list.

Former Governor Steve Beshear and Future Non-Governor Andy Beshear were among the first to apply. They are apparently training hard for the audition by polling people on the street for practice.

Andy Beshear’s Gubernatorial campaign team tried to convince the candidate that his time would be better spent cultivating some sort of personality instead of asking people what you might find in a kitchen cabinet. But they were overruled, much like Beshear usually is in court.

Steve Beshear has hired a consulting firm to help him come up with a funny way to mention to Family Feud host Steve Harvey that they have the same first name and fashion sense. Also, the elder Beshear plans to tell Harvey a couple jokes that he can use in his little skits.

Other families planning to audition for the game show include the Nelsons, a reconciliated Hatfield & McCoy faction, and local television star Lee Cruse and his far less famous brother Tom.

As the dispute over the legality of 3D printed political candidates ramps up across the nation, Kentucky Democrats hope to create a viable one before lawmakers outlaw the practice altogether.

Previous Fancy Farm no-show Matt Bevin spoke to us over Facebook live about the threat of 3D printed gubernatorial candidates, “While from a legal standpoint creating plastic untraceable political candidates could be dangerous, the candidates Kentucky Democrats have been creating, are flimsy and often blow up before leadership can even try to use them. So I wouldn’t pay much mind. The real enemies our state is facing are our public servants.”

A leading Kentucky Democrat, Elliot Alderson, believed the 3D printed candidates had a lot of promise. “These candidates have as much charisma as our past candidates but, these candidates can’t send emails. Win, win!” Alderson continued, “Remember when Jack Conway ran for governor? No? I’m beginning to think that no one does and that’s the problem.”

While Fancy Farm sounds like someone from Western Kentucky is describing a technology center, it’s actually just someplace most of us will never go to unless a bunch of food trucks all decide to show up on the same weekend. However, we recently learned that all Kentucky politicians pick a weekend to leave their homes in Connecticut and Washington DC and come to Fancy Farm to give speeches about stumps or something, and then lay out the blueprint for their upcoming political races.

Democrats have a lot at stake in the upcoming elections and so far have made headlines with primary winners that feature candidates ranging from one with an overturned sexual abuse conviction and another that took out an ad just to explain how racist he is. So leadership has turned to technology to create a candidate that won’t fall apart and plan to showcase them this weekend.