Lexington’s current vice mayor, Steve Kay, has announced that, after years of aggressively and wildly pursuing anything that even looked like a pink Cadillac, he was giving up the search for his estranged sister Mary Kay.

“I’ve spent years looking for her,” the future former Vice-Mayor said. “I just don’t know that I’ll ever find her. My original idea to find her was to get a couple of people to help me look for her, and I would offer a reward. Then those people would recruit their friends to help us look for her and you could get a piece of the reward if someone you recruited was the one that found her. So they’d get friends to join, and those people would get their friends to join. It seemed like it couldn’t miss.”

However it appears that the plan has, in fact, missed as Kay has given up his year long search for the makeup mogul. “I’ve tried reaching out to her at work, since she owns her own company,” Kay said, “but it’s harder than you think to get to the top. The company seems to have her at the top and then the organization gets wider and wider, the farther down you go. My friend, and fellow politician Ben Carson told me that this is the same scheme the used to sell grain back in ancient Egypt.”

Kay concluded, “while I’ve given up hope of finding my sister Mary I will continue to try and find my Uncle, the jeweler that claims his jewelry begins every kiss. Eventually, I’ll get this family back together.”