BOSTON (Road)–Cleaning crews are quickly working this morning to reopen Boston Road after a group of disgruntled Starbucks employees shut it down in an act of protest. Several workers from the large coffee empire declared their intentions to leave the company at the start of their shift today, and then proceeded to dump all the English Breakfast tea right into Boston Road. Even though only six cases were dumped, after reviewing menu prices, the loss of product is estimated to be around $275,000.
“After years of being suppressed as workers,” says one protester, “it was necessary for us to dissolve these corporate bands that have held us back for so long. So we sharpened our baguettes, grabbed all the overpriced product we could find and showed ownership what we’re capable of, which is dumping stuff into the road and then standing there. Yeah, it was pretty liberating.”
“Some of the rules and regulations we faced under this Starbucks regime,” tells another protester, “were destructive and prevented our pursuit of happiness in the workplace. Their long train of abuse of power even stretched to how we collected tips. OUR tips! We could only accept tips in the form of pennies, nickles, dimes and cash after they instituted their outlandish “No Quarter” policy. We all disagreed with it and staged a protest that would’ve made The Sons of Liberty, Tim Adams and Saul Revere, very proud,” finished the protester, who was obviously an entry-level Starbucks employee.
Signs of protest and dissension have been swirling around the coffee chain for sometime now. Even mainstream America was up in arms about the Red Coating on the outside of Starbucks Christmas cups last December. As tensions boil over, it seems the list of grievances are growing fast, as protester Patrick Henry pointed out. “This company and its management have become nothing short of tyrants. Our general manager, Keith George, didn’t even let us fill out our own I-9 forms at time of hire. My W-2 had all kinds of taxes and deductions I hadn’t even heard of before and the company provided no HR representation to help explain it to us. I mean, I understand you have a strict tattoo policy but why are we all paying a tramp stamp tax?”
Some of the disbanded protesters have announced plans to leave their former employer and start their own coffee shop. The location has yet to be determined, but they have their eyes set on the spot currently occupied by The Curry House Indian Restaurant. One of the men, Jared Tetley, stated, “We love that location and I’m sure we could work out a ‘deal’ to make it ours. And once we get it up and running, the owners of the Curry House will be the first names on our reservation list and be treated like it’s their own home.”