Senatorial candidate and, more famously, former Vice Mayor Jim Gray announced on Wednesday that he promises to drive out all “Nashville Hot Chicken” items from various Kentucky restaurant menus.
“All this Tennessee chicken is probably here illegally, and is certainly doing illegal stuff every minute it stays here on our menus,” the development mogul turned politician mumbled to the crowd at a recent campaign rally as his words were drowned out by his supporters’ chants of “Make Colonel Sanders Great Again.”
In the press conference that followed the rally, the former Vice Mayor elaborated on his plan. “Well, I’d start by implementing phase one of my plan to ‘get Kentucky back to work’. Most of this includes several truck driving jobs where Kentuckians will load up big trucks and take this filthy chicken to the edge of our borders and dump it out. And any leftover that wouldn’t make it onto the trucks we would use a task force of folks prepared to yell ‘git’ or ‘go on’ at the chicken until it left the state of its own accord.”
Alleged Medical School graduate and “state issued” medical license holder Rand Paul proposed a counter plan. “As a ‘Kentuckian’ and an avid Tea Party supporter, I feel the the right decision here is to have everyone take all Boston Market chicken and dump it into the Harbor (Freight Tools parking lot located on Winchester Road).”
Kentuckians do have a historically proud local fried chicken culture, and the recent takeover of menus by “hot” versions of the food that comes from our amigos to the south have caused many to worry about their own financial futures in the chicken market. Any plan to expel Nashville chicken will have to have long term fail-safes, to ensure this won’t happen again. This is where Gray’s plan for a great wall comes into action.
Following in the footsteps of General Tso, who built a wall to protect his chicken empire, the former Vice Mayor plans to build a wall along Kentucky/Tennessee border. “Oh we’ll get a wall built to keep that hot chicken out, and Tennessee is gonna pay for it.”