Papa John’s founder John Schnatter announced to employees that he is stepping down as CEO and introduced them to their new Stepdad Steve only a few days before Christmas. “You did nothing wrong,” Schnatter told his workplace children, or, as he fondly refers to them as, his ‘minimum wagies’.

Schnatter became embroiled in controversy on social media earlier this year when he claimed that the reason Papa John’s sales had suffered was because of NFL players not standing for the National Anthem even though a long term financial advisor told him it was a real thin crust move.

“Everyone hates to lose a relationship,” said Schnatter, to his assembled marinara minions, “but Steve’s a good guy.” He pulled a Peyton Manning jersey from his breast pocket and wiped a tear from his eye. “I know he’ll treat her better than I ever could -” The rest of his statement was muffled by him blowing his nose.

Stepdad Steve Ritchie will attempting to fill Papa John’s shoes, mostly with tickets to baseball games and a new bicycle. “You don’t have to call me Papa,” he said to his new step-workers, “but you must respect me.” Then he told the pizza boys that they were going to have two Christmases this year.

“You’re not our real dad!” yelled 52 year old pizza delivery driver and Star Wars mega-fan Ernie Fannin, shortly before he stormed out of the meeting. Stepdad Steve chased after him and they had a real heartfelt conversation by the cheesestick fountain.

The meeting ended with a ritualistic dimming of the lights and a sinister chanting of, “Papa has fallen, long live Papa!”

Schnatter isn’t too worried about the resignation. “It’ll give me time to focus more on my ham radio hobby,” he said, as static bristled through a rusty CB radio that sat upon a desk with ivory tusks for legs. “Papa John 3, this is Papa John 1, do you copy?”

“I’ve known John a long time, and I know he’ll land on his feet,” shouted Stepdad Steve from the passenger seat of Papa John III, the company’s executive helicopter. “Especially since he’s a billionaire!”

Few believe the move will finally lead to better pizza. “Stepdad Steve doesn’t really cook,” said an executive who wished to remain anonymous. “He’s just been serving everyone Totino’s pizza rolls.”