Lexington Hopeful President Will Fire Up Some Coneys At Gold Star Chili

By: Harold Leeder

May 11, 2017

President Donald Trump’s newest episode of The Apprentice sent shock waves through the country when he fired FBI Director James Comey on Tuesday night.  Many Americans were seen reacting with anger, some with confusion, and a few even happily celebrated the decision. However, both sides of the political aisle were able to meet in the middle on one reaction to the news, which is that since then, they’ve had a hankerin’ for some coneys.

While in the bushes near the White House, we’ve heard the President’s Press Secretary shrug off accusations of foul play, or that the firing of the FBI director was meant to in some way subvert an ongoing investigation of the President himself. However, there’s one thing the President or I can’t shrug off, and that’s this constant craving for cheese, chili, and onion covered hot dogs that sits deep within our stomach, ney our soul, and sticks to the lining of our very being.

Many believe that the coney craving is a primal one, but it’s important to remember that not just any coney will do.  This country deserves the best from it’s leadership, and from it’s coneys.  So in this time of need, we should turn our sights to Gold Star Chili.  Here at Gold Star the coneys begin with quality, because here we all know that the hot dogs come from Bluegrass quality meats, and are served in those perfectly sized Klosterman buns that are small enough to fit into a child’s or President’s hands. Then are topped with just a hint of mustard that your palate will remember long after you’ve finished your first three. Oh, but I mean, yes, there are many who are worried about the President’s seemingly quick decision to fire the FBI director, as it came as a shock to even James Comey himself. Although, America has never been shocked by how delicious that Gold Star’s famous Cincinnati-style chili can be. Let alone if you allow it to mix atop a tiny hot dog, with chopped onions, and finely grated cheese, piled high above each coney with care. In fact, that chili has been known to go good on anything. Spaghetti, or salad if you’re someone that can’t enjoy life to its fullest. Bipartisan politics aside we’re all hopeful the President or anyone wanting to learn more about the FBI or whatever, will come fire up some coneys sometime soon at any of Lexington’s 4 convenient Gold Star Chili locations.  It’s time we let our taste buds take a vacation to Cincinnati.

Editor’s Note: The author of this article has been put on administrative leave while he seeks treatment for his Skyline addiction.