Jim Gray Barricaded In His Office Watching New Taylor Swift Video On Loop

By: Harold Leeder

September 14, 2017

It’s been over two weeks since Taylor Swift debuted the music video to her new song ‘Look What You Made Me Do’ and Mayor Jim Gray is yet to emerge from his office. Staffers say he barricaded himself in the office shortly after the VMA watch party he makes everyone attend every year and has been doing nothing but watching the new video ever since.

“We’re starting to get concerned,” said Edwin Sheridan a staffer and long standing member of Gray’s squad. “We knocked on the door and there was no response, we knew he was alive because we could hear him singing along inside. We tried calling his office phone to ask him to come out but when he answered he would just say ‘the former vice mayor can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Oh, because he’s dead.’ Then we’d hear the unmistakable sounds of rapid, enthusiastic dancing.”

“To be fair we were warned about this but we didn’t take it seriously,” explained Sheridan. “We got a call from someone who said they were on his vice mayoral staff in 2008 when the ‘You Belong With Me’ video came out. They told us to remove the locks from his office immediately, but we thought it was a prank call.”

Sheridan explained, Gray decided to lock himself in his office after an altercation with one of the interns occurred just as the VMA’s concluded.  The intern suggested, “Sir if you love Taylor, you should check out this new Katy Perry video.” Gray promptly smashed a wooden chair and came after the intern with a portion of the chair’s splintered leg. As the intern scurried away Gray looked around and, with a wild look in his eye, said “I need to watch the video again,” and ran into his office. No one has seen him face-to-face since.

The mayor’s office thought they had things under control until they found out Gray had made a phone call to Lexington police asking that they investigate a crime. When police asked what needed to be investigated, Gray said in a serious and ominous tone, “We need to figure out what we made Taylor Swift do.” Gray then blasted music and sang loudly into the receiver. Needless to say, the police chief is not happy.