Coach Cal Confident The Wildcats Can Cut Down Net Neutrality In March

By: Harold Leeder

December 15, 2017

Yesterday the FCC voted 3-2 to repeal Net Neutrality, in a landmark decision made by a group who most people thought just regulated the Howard Stern show. What that means for the future of America and our relationship with our internet is unclear, mostly because very few people understand what any of it means or know how the internet works.

The good news is Big Blue Nation isn’t worried about this ruling lasting all that long, as fearless Head Coach John Calipari stated he’s hopeful that this year’s team can cut down Net Neutrality in March. “Absolutely we have a young team, maybe the youngest ever but when we’re talking about the internet, that’s a huge advantage.”

Calipari has a lot of experience with Net Neutrality, dating back to the 97-98 New Jersey Nets, who Cal led to a record just barely above .500. “Kids today do the tweeting and the gramming, better than us old guys,” Cal told us as if we knew what he was even talking about. “Every team that won the big dance has cut down the nets since 1947, and this year will be no different. If someone’s gonna cut em down, I sure as heck hope it’s me,” said the coach still seeking his second NCAA title and first win against the Federal Communications Commission.

The FCC claims that the recent repeal of Net Neutrality may cause problems for Coach Cal or anyone else trying to stream the song “One Shining Moment” but that’s about all they explained about it before pretending to take a big gulp of coffee out of an oversized coffee mug.