Bevin Submits Pretty Pretty Freakin’ Sweet Audition Tape For FBI Director

By: Harold Leeder

May 10, 2017

The governor’s offices were closed for an hour this morning as Matt Bevin told staffers he would need a quiet and empty office because he would be shooting his audition video for the newly open position of FBI Director. When news of former FBI Director James Comey’s firing broke yesterday the governor said he knew exactly what he needed to do.

“Look, it’s no secret around here that I would love to be FBI Director. I know the best way to get anything in life is an audition video. Most people just send in a resume, but what gets more attention, a piece of paper that says I used to own a bell factory, or a video of me jumping a motorcycle over that burning factory?” Bevin said.

This isn’t Bevin’s first audition tape either. “I’ve sent in audition videos for all kinds of stuff. I sent in a video for the first season of Big Brother, and if you think about it, the FBI and Big Brother are kind of the same thing. Once I’m done editing though, the video I made today will be less like my Big Brother audition tape and probably closer to the one I submitted in ’97 for The Real World.”

The Governor, still dressed in his ‘Female Body Inspector’ t-shirt from his morning taping, concluded by saying “I think I’m a shoe in for this. I mean, I’m not super qualified or anything, but I’ve supported the president at a few rallies and that’s really the only job qualifications you need.”