Keeneland is a time for gambling, whether it’s betting on horses or eating burgoo without asking questions about what it’s made from you’ll need all the help you can get wading your way through the minefield that is Keeneland’s opening weekend. Here are some helpful tips:
- If a guy is wearing a brightly colored or paisley suit and is not fall down drunk by noon, then he’s probably an undercover cop.
- Don’t bet whatever some strange guy in a bowler cap said was a sure thing. If he knew a lot about betting on horses, he’d be in a different section, and sure as heck wouldn’t be telling strangers about it.
- See if your good sweater still fits before you are ready to head out to the track. You’ve discovered craft beer since the last fall meet. Be realistic with yourself.
- “Lost your shirt” is just an expression, so please stop taking your shirt off Tommy. We’re all glad you workout but have a little class, and help me carry Todd back to the shuttle bus.
- There will be horses outside the gates trying to get you to take their pamphlets and talk to them about their ‘religion’ of horse gods, avoid these horses they’re trying to get you to join a colt (unless joining one behooves you).
- Park in the paved lot near someone with a big tent and an awesome food setup. If anyone asks what you’re doing there say, “Oh I’m Scott I work with Gina,” and then shove another horse d’oeuvre in your mouth so you can’t answer any more of their questions.
- Try to go in with a lot of money. rich people seem to do well there.
- Do not drink anything out of a jockey’s boot, it’s not a tradition, it’s just something that will continue to live on instagram forever.
- If you wear jockey silks and walk up to the entrance and say “I’ve been a good boy and I’m here for a great time,” they have to let you ride a horse during a race.