With Only Hours Before He’s Fired Rick Pitino Is Going On A Wild Rule Breaking Spree

By: Harold Leeder

September 27, 2017

The the end of the Pitino era seemingly imminent, the University of Louisville Head Basketball Coach is reportedly spending his last hours on an energetic rule breaking spree. The list reportedly involves the breaking of several, state, local, federal, moral and biblical laws according to those with knowledge of the situation.

“I think he’s trying to check off everything on his rule breaking bucket list in the next couple hours,” said a personal assistant. We couldn’t publish much of the reported activities on the bucket list as this remains a family-friendly publication, but we believe there to be enough 15 second intervals between now and the scheduled presser this afternoon for him to make his way through much of the list.

In a statement, Future Former Coach Pitino said his only regrets are that he didn’t start on this list of rules he’d like to break sooner. “I wish I’d watched Ozark a little closer,” Pitino said in a statement through his lawyer. “If I’d paid more attention we could’ve washed this money and I’d have more time to burn through this list.”