Enough’s enough, we couldn’t wait any longer, so tonight marks the beginning of the weekend-long Christ The King Oktoberfest Celebration in Lexington. As one of the largest church-sponsored gambling events in the city, the occasion draws interest from many citizens and sponsorship from many of Lexington’s finer businesses and Alltech.  Christ The King’s Oktoberfest celebration brings both the parish and the community together to raise awareness and financial support for their school and outreach programs.  Long time sponsor, Alltech Lexington Brewing Company, gets into the spirit of the event every year by performing a miracle of their own, as they turn water into beer that tastes like water. Before you go out to celebrate this weekend, make sure to check out these tips so you’re ready to beat the house, God’s house, during Oktoberfest:

• Remember the money you spend at Oktoberfest is not tax deductible so only lose the money your wife gave you when you got there. Do not go to the ATM and then immediately buy pull tabs for everyone in line, thinking you can “write it off.”
• Spend the extra 2 dollars on the big commemorative cup. If you play your cards right, you can convince the pit boss in the blackjack room to keep refilling it while you yell at some stranger next to you for splitting queens.
• Whatever you do, don’t buy a calendar while you’re there. They have no idea what month it is.
• Anytime someone asks you to pay for something lean in and whisper, “Maybe you knew this because of my wonderful smile, but I’m with Buchart Orthodontics.” You never know they might not charge you.
• Wear a members only jacket, this will let the staff know you’re a member of the church and will thereby allow you access inside the building where you can use much nicer bathrooms.
• Only make the joke calling someone a ‘Germany-aphobe’ once at most. Pick your moment.
• Parking nearby is always limited so plan ahead by parking at a not-so-nearby Kroger on Chinoe or Euclid, and just drive one of their complimentary motorized carts over to the Church.
• Make sure to go to the silent auction and watch at how fast the auctioneer is at sign language.
• Slip Blessed Union Of Souls a handful of pulltabs and ask them to play that “She Likes Me For Me” song first, so you don’t have to listen to any of their new stuff.