Drivers headed out Nicholasville may notice some activity around The Summit at Fritz Farm. The shopper’s paradise, which opened this past summer with advertisements somewhere between a new Lumineers album and a pill for sleep apnea, has began construction on a border wall.
The construction project will bring more employment opportunities. The careers section of the Summit at Fritz Farm website added a new listing for Watchtower Guard for Northeastern Block. Job details include:
- Securing the perimeter of our luxury apartments, shops and restaurants.
- Intimidating representatives from rival malls in town. (Hamburg, Fayette Mall, Palomar, Turfland)
- Ensuring that customers have clearance to make purchases in this sector
- Includes shift meal at Shake Shack
- Paid time off for golf or yacht racing
“We aren’t trying to keep anyone out with this project.” says the Summit’s General Overseer Condor Van Rockabilt. ”We are just easing the minds of those within.”
A sign on the door of his office reads, “No Oxford Collar No Deck Sandal No Service.”
The Summit’s grounds are littered with popsicle sticks and flyers for the grand opening of a store advertising itself as a “high end Sharper Image”, or, The Sharpest Image.
Stores like this abound within its acreage: New Navy, Super Pac Luggage, Richard’s Sporting Good’s.
“The wall will ensure our clients a sense of community,” Van Rockabilt explains as we tour the food court. We pass by Woodford Reserve Bourbon Chicken and Steak In-A Chalice. “But we also hope a sense of exclusiveness. They’ve earned the right to shop here.”
We pass a board advertising a new store opening: For Boat Owners Only.
“Everything you buy here is tax deductible.” says Van Rockabilt.
Asked about the new job postings, specifically the intimidation of employees from rival malls, Van Rockabilt was eager to quote from The Art of War. “Are you familiar with Sun Tzu? ‘Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.” Behind him, some goth kids are being escorted out by a security guard in a stretch limo golf-cart.