Are you a lazy college student with little to no motivation to join the workforce, unsure what you’re going to do with the rest of your life? Well a career in the fast-paced, highly competitive world of panhandling may be in your future thanks to the latest summer internship being offered to University of Kentucky students.
The panhandling industry has seen a boom in job creation recently thanks to the Kentucky Supreme Court’s decision to strike down a Lexington ordinance that outlawed the practice. The end result is the Panhandling Internship Program, which will allow students to learn the ins and outs of the city’s fastest growing profession.
“I wish I had been given this opportunity when I was in college,” said college dropout and panhandler Tanner Scott. “Just like with any job, experience is everything in panhandling. For me, starting out as an entry-level panhandler meant having to work the graveyard shift like some common drifter murderer. An internship might have gotten my foot in the door (or should I say on the sidewalk, haha) and given me better panhandling opportunities.”
The internship will give students hands-on training and provide them with all the tools necessary to become a successful panhandler. Participants in the internship will learn everything from simple tasks like making multiple Unicorn Frappucino runs throughout the day, to more difficult assignments such as picking out the ideal piece of cardboard, using the Square app or Venmo to accept electronic payments when a stubborn potential customer says they don’t have any cash on them, or what to do when the good spot is taken. Upon successful completion of the internship, students will have the training to eventually outsource their own corners to low-wage foreign workers. The internship is paid, so the students will earn more money than their parents while also receiving three credit hours.
“The end goal of this internship is to provide the students with the skills necessary to do what any professional panhandler does,” said veteran panhandler and general dirtbag Toby Austin. “Become indecipherable from a person who’s actually in need.”