Speedway Unable to Make Pizza Week Submission Worth $5

By: Harold Leeder

November 8, 2017

If you notice some grease on the cashier’s safety glass it must be Lexington’s Pizza Week! Pizzerias, pizza parlors and buffets are serving up two slices or a small pie for $5 this week, but if you’re used to getting your pizza at a gas station for under $4 for you and your afternoon Tinder date then Speedway’s got you covered.

Speedway is doing a special promotion for Pizza Week. $5 gets you all the pizza under the lamp and a choice of Steel Reserve or an Arizona Tea tallboy.

Kitchen limitations haven’t stopped them from getting creative. Shift Supervisor Carol shows us her Pizza Week creation.”It’s our normal Good-To-Go pepperoni pizza topped with our chili sauce and a few squirts from the cheese pump.” She squeezes out a few airy sounding darts of the nacho sauce. “The real innovation is the Tornado Stuffed Taquito Crust. We call it ‘The Unlimited Gas Card’.”

The Speedway on Euclid Avenue is preparing for the expected rush by filling up 64oz cups with marinara sauce.

Speedy Rewards points are not allowed for Pizza Week purchases but are still valid for other ongoing promotions. For instance, 3 issues of Maxim earns you a Monster Energy Sandwich and 5 Cappuccino Waters gets you a mysterious yellow pill.

Pizza fans were eager to get their first slice. One gentleman in a tie-dyed shirt with “Smell My Finger” written inside an outline of Kentucky showed us his different eating techniques.

First he folded the pizza down the center “like they do in New York”. Next he twisted it around to eat it from the back “Chicago style”. Then he took a drag from his vape pen and released the cloud as he took a bite. “Steamboat Admiral SlugWave”.

We noticed one of the most popular ways to enjoy the Speedway Pizza Week pizza was waiting in line behind someone buying lottery tickets.

“We normally get our gas at Costco. But I saw the menu online and decided to bring the fam out,” said a man parked in his Land Rover. “That’s the great thing about events like this. It gets me to parts of town I wouldn’t normally go to.” Then we passed him his pizza through a small slit in his driver’s side window.

A man who had just finished eating two hotdogs without a bun was enjoying his dessert of smoking a cigarette outside by the propane tanks. He said he wasn’t aware of the Pizza Week promotion. “Sure, I guess I’m a foodie. I eat everyday. Like it helps me survive, you know? Any you know Herschel?”