March For Science Followed By March For Algebra, Then P.E.

By: Harold Leeder

April 24, 2017

Crowds in the tens or maybe even hundreds (there’s no way anyone could really tell) supporting all things dork, sloshed through downtown Lexington on Saturday afternoon, in the somehow politically charged “March For Science.” The naturally timid crowd marched through downtown early in the morning, with signs that read “Wait til Isaac Discovers Newtown Pike” and “Archimedes Nuts”.

Shortly after the march ended, a new crowd gathered and began marching in the opposite direction in the “March For Algebra”, the group was made up by many of those involved with the science march, but other nerds joined in with newly inked sines that read, “Can’t Solve Inequalities Without Algebra” and “Euclid Ave Sucks But Euclid The Dude Was Cool.” Then just before lunch, the group attended P.E.

While many claimed the two marches were probably enough exercise for the day, the group reluctantly lent their support to the Physical Education cause anyway. Signs included “Official Member of the P.E. N Fifteen Club ” and “It’s time to put the CAT back in Physical Education” read one weird lady’s sign who was walking a cat on a leash for some reason.

Few opposed the “March For Science” outside of a small group of wizards, witches, and street magicians, who hope the de-funding of scientific endeavors allows more government contract work for sorcerers.  Lexington’s most notable science detractor Harry Vasemaker still attended the speeches that followed the march, but had trouble getting a good vantage point with all the signs in the crowd. He claims one woman in particular stood directly in front of him with a rather large sign that just read “SCIENCE” in bold print, “She blinded me.”

Shortly after the speeches concluded, protesters had to return to their homeroom march before they were dismissed for the day.