Jim Gray Calls Family of Fallen Confederate Statue

By: Harold Leeder

October 18, 2017

A crowd gathered downtown yesterday as Lexington began removing confederate statues under the guise of darkness and very bright construction lights. As the powerful lights illuminated the statue and the enormous crane began hoisting it away, some onlookers cheered the removal of what they considered a symbol of hate. As a few others mourned the loss of what they felt was a historic monument, everyone in attendance wondered why this, seemingly efficient, crew couldn’t swing over and help finish up the CentrePointe project.

Following the removal, former Vice Mayor Jim Gray announced that, since it was his decision to remove the statues, he would be calling the families of the fallen statues himself to offer his condolences. “No other mayor has ever taken the time to call the families themselves,” Gray said (because no one has ever had to). “I knew it would not be an easy decision, but, I felt it was the right decision. That being said, he knew what he was signing up for when he enlisted in a traitorous army.”

The task of calling the family wasn’t easy. “I called the immediate family of the statue,” Gray said, referring to that statue of Joe B Hall. “I know he answered, I could hear birds and stuff but he said nothing. That made it even harder.”

Everyone reacted differently to the removal, one onlooker was seen saluting into the air as the Young Guns 2 soundtrack played on his phone. Local street artist, 5/3 Banksy, fought back tears as he spoke about not getting to crudely decorate the horse genitalia one last time. Gray concluded his remarks on the proceedings by saying, “now that the racist statues have been moved we just have to figure out where to move the living racists.”