Jeff Hoover Releases Statement on Winchester Topix

By: Harold Leeder

December 11, 2017

Late Sunday night, Kentucky State Congressman Jeff Hoover wrote a lengthy post regarding the recent allegations he is facing on the Winchester Topix page.

The former Speaker of the House seemed to be responding to a thread titled: “???Any Y’all seen Jeff Hoover???”

Whether they were originally referring about the Kentucky Congressman is unclear. “I seen him on the corner street askin b****es for some grocery money.” said a user with the screen-name, “cracKERJackie”.

The Congressman who’s facing allegations of sexual misconduct and the inappropriate use of campaign donors to allegedly hush the scandal was adamant about his innocence in the statement. “That girl ain’t telling ya’ll nothing bout what really happened!!!!! Okay?!!!” said Hoover. “People saying stuff but ain’t none of yall therr!”

The publicity it’s given the page has had some interesting results.

One Topix moderator “Glasgow-Maiden” is being considered for a leadership role in the Kentucky State GOP. The moderator caught their attention after regaining civility in the “Janice H. is a B!” thread. “These are the kind of discussions happening in our party right now.” said Republican Party Chairman Richard Mephisto. “So to have people already adept at dealing with this type of drama is nothing but a positive for us.” The chairman shut a liquor cabinet disguised as a globe. Then he sat and put his feet up on the back of his secretary. “As well as an ability to reach across the aisle. Like we saw in the ‘Hank vs. Hank-Jr’ debate.”

As of publication Hoover’s statement was still trailing in responses behind the thread “Top 5 Best Car Washes”.