Jeff Hoover Hopes The House Will Discuss Jeff Hoover Again Today

By: Harold Leeder

January 11, 2018

Before his lengthy resignation, former House Speaker Jeff Hoover had laid out a exhaustive 60-page agenda which planned to take advantage of a Republican controlled floor. The well mapped out plan was highlighted by the preparation of a new state budget that would decide the fate of government pensions, but also included infrastructure examinations, and some other boring stuff that included words like tax code. However, the former speaker bolded his agenda’s largest goal: “Talk About The Hoover. What he’s doing, what he’s thinking, what he’s eating. Keep those Hooverites across the commonwealth fed, with deep fried nuggets of truth bout the Hoov.”

Hoover planned for the House to spend most of January discussing how his Christmas break went. “I got a ski-doo and a Nintendo switch, but it didn’t stop there.” Hoover became overcome with excitement before an assistant handed him a glass of water, which he drank entirely too fast before wiping his face with the sleeve of his blazer, and continued to name gifts he had received from “The Real Santa”.

“What I didn’t want the house to discuss this session is boring old politics stuff. So I tried to save that for the end, if we had to do it. Also no one was allowed to talk about how much I look like a catfish, that’s off limits,” explained Hoover, who, we hadn’t realized until he brought it up, did in fact have an uncanny resemblance to some sort of cartoonish magical talking catfish that we couldn’t quite place.

Since Hoover’s resignation the House has discussed little else other than the former speaker. “So far, so good,” said Hoover, “3 days in, and it’s been non-stop Hoov, but there’s still two days left this week before the long weekend, so I’m hoping we can keep this going.”