Everyone At Your Office Agrees To Not Ask Each Other About Their Weekend Today

By: Harold Leeder

September 25, 2017

After a weekend that few UK Football fans will forget no matter how hard they try, a mutual agreement has been reached at area offices to break the Monday tradition of asking how everyone’s weekend was.

“We all know how everyone’s weekend was, it sucked,” said Kevin, a mid-tier salesperson at a regional breeders supply company. “We were a little lost at first because that’s what you do on Monday but we all knew that asking that question would cause us all to fall apart emotionally. So I just finally let Carol tell me about her recipes she’s always wanting to tell me about.”

“I almost lost it in this morning’s Monday meeting,” said longtime UK football fan and marketing associate Jenna. “We’re all sitting there, miserable, trying to just think about Saturday night and Victor, who wouldn’t know a football if it hit him in the face, and if I’d had a football I’d have hit him in the face with it. He comes and says ‘we’re in a little bit of a holding pattern with these expense reports.’ Holding pattern? Right now you’re gonna say that Victor? Geez. Then he comes with this, he says to all of us ‘sales have been a little slow, let’s make sure we don’t blow these leads we just got.’ I kicked over my chair and left the room”

“It’s nice being surrounded by people who are just as miserable as you in a time like this I guess,” Kevin said, speaking to us without lifting his head off the desk. “I’m trying to look on the bright side. I mean, Moses was lost for 40 years, we’ve only lost for 31. We’ve got 9 more tries before this thing becomes biblical, and who knows. Moses ended up parting the Red Sea, maybe we’ll end the streak and then beat the Crimson Tide in the SEC Championship. Eh, I’m trying to be positive but it’s just so hard right now.” With that Kevin rolled out of his chair and laid on the floor, staring lifelessly at the ceiling. “Next year is the year,” he whispered. “Next year is the year.”