Entire City Falls Asleep Waiting For One Kid To Text Us When They’ll Be Home

By: Harold Leeder

May 25, 2017

Last night Lexingtonians were up all night awaiting a tweet, a text, a call, carrier pigeon, anything from current favorite son Hamidou Diallo. While passenger pigeons have been extinct since 1914, he should have found a way to let us know he was planning on coming home.

“As long as you’re gonna live under our roof and go to this school, there are rules you’re gonna follow mister,” explained disappointed father figure and former vice mayor Jim Gray. Specifically the NCAA has rules Diallo was following yesterday, as he was deciding on whether or not he’d come back to Lexington, or stay the night at his friend’s house, NBA Draft.

Gray added, “We were worried sick about you son. The city isn’t asking for much here, we just wanna know if you’re okay, and what time we should expect you home, but don’t make us stay up all night with worry Hami. A text takes 10 seconds, you don’t have 10 seconds?”

Diallo apologized to the city early this morning, and promised that he won’t let it happen again, as next time he goes over there he’s definitely staying.