City Can’t Remember What This Halloween Express Used To Be

By: Harold Leeder

September 7, 2017

As Lexington residents’ holiday attention turns from Labor Day celebrations to Halloween, enthusiastic costume shoppers gather outside a building beneath what appears to be a newly hung banner that reads “Halloween Express.” As the shoppers prepare to go buy unimaginative male costumes or female costumes made with the minimum amount of material one question permeates through the crowd; ‘what was in this building yesterday?’

“Was it a Kohls? Was it a Platinum Plus? I have no idea and I know I’ll forget to look come November,” said shopper Mike Meijer. “Tuesday morning!” Meijer then shouted as if Archimedes had just discovered a solution. After a moment of pause Meijer realized that Tuesday Morning was next door, and also a store he really shouldn’t even know about.

“So if the Jo Ann Fabric next door is still open, then what was this? Is it possible it’s a Halloween Express year round and we just don’t notice it until we are looking for it like that Baader-Meinhof phenomenon? I don’t know, I just came here to pick up this Rocket Scientist costume for my daughter,” said shopper Fredrick Kroger as he held up a hanger with little more than a spaceship adorned bikini and a pair of glasses.

“I mean if you think about it, this whole Halloween Express store is a pretty good costume, because I have no idea what normal store is wearing it,” Kroger said. “Pretty meta man. I mean if you go into an old McDonalds, you know it’s an old McDonalds right? But this place, it’s the perfect disguise. Crazy to think about.”

As Meijer and Kroger looked at the store, searching their brains for what used to be, Meijer looked over and said, “They took down the statues, I mean mannequins, of the old store here and we forgot our history, sad.”