Beware Of Corn Dog Stealing Skaters And 10 Other Helpful Woodland Art Fair Tips

By: Harold Leeder

August 17, 2017

The Woodland Art Fair, a tradition in this city and a time when many Lexingtonians think to themselves “I like that sculpture, never mind its $1200.” Here are some helpful tips and tricks you can use to make your outing this weekend as successful as possible:

  1. For the fat, shirtless guys playing tennis at Woodland park, this is the biggest audience they’ll get all year. This is their Wimbledon. Throwing a gentle applause their way will really make their day.
  2. Woodland Art Fair baby changing stations are for diaper changing only, not actual baby exchanges
  3. Most of the artists are authentic, talented artists, but some are forgers, and those forgers can be useful if you need your parents signature on a permission slip or a diploma in a jiffy.
  4. There will be at least 5 different breweries on site, be sure to buy your art before you drink. Paintings look a lot better around the fair’s closing time and there are no refunds.
  5. The Woodland Art Fair is the best place for people to get one of a kind pieces to fill their homes, if only you had a home
  6. With free shuttles to the fair it may be one of the 3 times you ride a bus this year, don’t sit next to someone that didn’t get off at your stop, they’ve probably been on it all day, and are probably named Jeff, and are just gonna talk to you about squirrels for 10 minutes, and you’re not going to be sure whether or not he’s even talking to you.
  7. Remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and most people at the art fair are not beholders.
  8. Whoever buys the most art wins, remember small pieces count just as much as big ones. If you purchase something from a guy named Art you get double points (1.5x points if he goes by Arthur).
  9. This event is sponsored by Pepsi, so remember to bring your own non-alcoholic drinks.
  10. While that painting is nice, nothing will fill the void that Todd left. You need to put yourself back out there, not all guys are like that.